Full-Frontal Coverage

According to the Biden administration, experts have determined that the Covid-19 virus has the ability to infect humans not only through the nose and mouth, but through the eyes as well.

Following discussions with the Centers of Disease Control, Dr. Anthony Fauci, World Health Organization, and the American Medical Association, President Biden has determined this situation is "a national emergency"and plans to mandate a new "Full-Face"mask in order to combat this ongoing threat to the nation. "We believe in science. And we will follow that science whether it makes sense or not,"an administration spokesperson said.

The administration has been in contact with other virologists who are looking into the possibility of COVID-19 transmission through the pores of the face as well. "A Covid viral particle is around 100 nanometers, which could very well make its way through a human facial pore and into a person's bloodstream,"reported Dr. Fuller Krappolla, eminent disease scientific person and CNN contributor.

"The nose pores are especially susceptible since they have a tendency to become larger,"the doctor said. "Ever had blackheads on your nose? Well, they may be Covid. Think about that."

Biden medical advisors have been hard at work developing and designing new facial coverings that will be able to protect all orifices on the face, including pores. Early designs include an over-the-head hazmat type covering, as well as light-weight full frontal masks which have self-cleaning goggles and can be easily discarded after each use.

For youngsters, specially designed face coverings will be available that resemble popular cartoon characters from Star Wars, the Muppets, Disney Princesses and Paw Patrol. The masks will be made of a soft polyvinyl chloride material which will be effective, yet non-toxic and safe even for kids under the age of two. As yet it has not been determined if infants will be required to wear the facial coverings. Additional information is needed.

The mandate officially goes into effect on Monday, February 14th, Valentine's Day. "The date was chosen to show that the president has a big heart and truly loves the American people,"a White House spokesperson said.

The official government issued face coverings will be available through Amazon, the United States Postal Service, and other distribution outlets throughout the country by early to mid-summer. They will be offered at no cost at that time, but until then, folks will be responsible to obtain their own temporary full-frontal coverage from any independent source they can find in order to satisfy the mandate deadline.

Independent sources include; Wuhan Institute of Virology, Russian State Centre for Research on Virology and Biotechnology, The Hazmat Warehouse, and eBay.

For the past year the Biden administration has met with some of the most scientific scientists in the world. Some researchers have concluded that future Coved variants might very well have the capacity to infect through the human thought process. Viral transmission by way of the mind. Call it the Coved ESP variant.

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"The power of the mind should never be underestimated,"one mental virologist said. "When in the immediate vicinity of others, you should try not to think about Coved. Put it out of your mind completely. Train your mind to think only happy thoughts. Hum a happy tune. Remember, negative brain waves can jeopardize your entire community."

"If it should prove to be the case that the mind can indeed transmit the virus, then we'll be right on top it,"said a reliable White House source. "We know ways of altering people's minds and we're not hesitant to use them. President Biden is dedicated to helping the American people any way he can. If it means mind cleansing, so be it."

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