Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Trump brokered a peace agreement between Congo and Rwanda at the White House Thursday, ending a decades-long war in Central Africa. Hopefully the machine gun fire stops right away. The treaty calls for the Rwandans and the Congolese to withdraw to their own side of Minneapolis.

• Pearl Harbor Day is commemorated in Hawaii mark the attack that drew the U.S. into World War II. I've long been a student of the war. Having experienced Asian drivers in Los Angeles for 49 years, I've come to believe that all those kamikaze attacks on U.S. ships might have been accidents.

• The Olympic Flame was handed off in Athens Thursday to an Italian runner in the lead up to the Winter Games in Milan in February. The excitement is building. After Hollywood heard that there is a bi-athlon event, everyone's asking how many people you have to sleep with in order to qualify?

• Kansas City Chiefs star tight end Travis Kelce was on his brother's podcast along with George Clooney and claimed he and fiancĂ©e Taylor Swift have never had a fight. Well, at least one of them is getting a ring this year. I advise Taylor Swift fans to be patient, the divorce album is going hit like crack.

• New York Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani is busy building his team ahead of his inauguration in six weeks. Mamdani just appointed trans-gender woman "rabbi", Abby Stein, to his transition team to solidify Jewish support for his administration. Or, as he likes to call Rabbi Stein, Twice Circumcised.

• U.S. Admiral Bradley showed the double strike on a Caribbean drug boat to a House committee in classified session Thursdays ending all war crimes talk. Later that day, the U.S. Navy destroyed a 22nd drug boat from Venezuela. No one knows what the boat was named but its new name is Coke Zero.

• The Washington Post claimed that Pete Hegseth ordered a Venezuelan drug boat double-tapped by missiles. It brought up dirty laundry. Forget all the Obama missile strikes on Syrian civilians, how many times did Bill Clinton look at Miss Venezuela in the Miss World Pageant and say I'd tap that twice.

• President Trump Wednesday repeated his view to send U.S. troops into Venezuela to overthrow Nicholas Maduro. Maduro declined Trump's offer of a plane to fly him to Cuba. If we're going to be good sports, the least we can do now is give Maduro a glass bottom boat so he can review his navy.

• President Trump will travel to Pennsylvania this week to tout the lower prices in gas and food he says the media isn't reporting. Food and gas prices are down, but business service costs are way up. After seeing the price of personal property insurance these days, I have decided it is cheaper to just get robbed.

• The DOJ announced the arrest of the Washington D.C. pipe bomber whose bombs failed to go off on January 6th, 2021, just before the Capitol riots. The guy planted the bombs at both the DNC and GOP national headquarters. However the bombs, just like the incoming President, turned out to be duds.

• President Trump supervised the lighting of the National Christmas Tree Thursday. I held my breath watching Trump try to give a Christmas sermon. I see Trump as the kind of preacher who'd say, As Jesus, who wasn't crucified nearly as often as I am by the media, once said, love ye one another.

• Martin Sheen, who played the president on The West Wing, told Nicole Wallace Trump is the biggest nothing in the world. Martin recently led a free speech march with his mouth taped shut. He wanted the world to know there is still a member of the Sheen family who can breathe through his nose.

• The Wall Street Journal reports Google's new update allows a boss to access text messages on work phones. Privacy is out the window. This week marked the 33rd anniversary of the very first text message in 1992 when a software engineer texted Merry Christmas! before driving over an embankment.

• The National Retail Federation reports holiday shopping sales defied dire predictions and set new records, while here in West Hollywood and Beverly Hills, the crowds at the malls are huge. Today at the mall I was pushed, I was touched, I was shoved and I was groped. Heck, I'm going back tomorrow.

• Variety reports the NFL Thanksgiving games drew the highest ratings in history for a regular season games. But there's one scheduling problem looming. If Trump adds Minnesota to the list of Third World countries banned from traveling to the United States, the Vikings can't play on the road.

• Congresswoman Ilhan Omar blasted the Trump DOJ for launching a probe into the Somalis in Minneapolis for scamming the state for billions in fraudulent welfare claims. The mayor issued a full-throated defense of the grifters. The Nigerian Prince just moved to Minneapolis for political cover.

• The Christian Science Monitor cited a survey which says only half of Americans attend church on Christmas. I have an atheist friend who asked me how I can believe in G od because he's never made himself visible. Well, I believe Home Depot employees exist, and I've never seen one of them either.

• The Washington Post reported that astrology is skyrocketing in popularity with Generation Z and the millennials that live and work in the nation's capital. It says 80% of young adults in DC believe in astrology. Every lawmaker on Capitol Hill I ever met was born under the same sign, For Rent.

• President Trump popped up in a TV commercial Tuesday trying to sell you the Trump Watch available on the Trump website. He boasts it includes his autograph on the face. The result from his MRI was released on Tuesday and it confirmed that Trump has incurable advanced stage capitalism.

• Admiral Frank Bradley was called before Congress Thursday to explain the double hit on the drug boat September 2nd. Democrats tried to call it a war crime, while Republicans referred to the South American drug cartel as the network of death. Apparently they never heard of Kaiser Permanente.

• President Trump addressed reporters in the Oval Office Wednesday and defended his policy of destroying cocaine boats in the Caribbean with missile strikes. So far they've sunk 21 boats loaded with drugs. There's so much coke in the ocean right now that Disney Pixar's next movie is called Finding Kilo.

• The White House said the goal of President Trump's policy of destroying the drug boats loaded with Fentanyl-laced cocaine is a Fentanyl-free America. For this the Democratic elite are blasting Trump?? I never thought I'd live to see Hollywood hating a president for going to war for purer cocaine.

• The Atlantic interviewed Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro who slammed Kamala Harris after she took some shots at him in her 2024 campaign memoir. Josh waved off her critiques, saying she's just covering her ass. Kamala Harris doesn't like to keep things bottled up, ask her wine merchant.

• Spain's Minister of Health ordered Spaniards to mask up on Tuesday due to the flu breaking worldwide. I went to the bank in West Hollywood today, and even in the midst of a dangerous flu outbreak in California I was the only one in the bank wearing a mask. Mind you I was robbing the place.

• Hillary Clinton spoke at a forum hosted by an Israeli newspaper and blamed pro-Palestinian views of college kids on totally misleading Tik Tok videos. That's the only news most young people watch. If the newspaper is the evolution of the Town Crier, Tik Tok is the evolution of the Town Drunk.

• Fox News reports a raccoon was passed out on the bathroom floor of a Virginia liquor store Sunday. He'd broken in the night before, smashing bottles and drinking the spillage. The raccoon was merely trying to send a message to young people that you don't need to do drugs to have a good time.

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