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• Chicago Cubs legend Sammy Sosa apologized to Cubs fans for using steroids during his career in which he hit 600 homers. It ends 20 years of silence and avoidance. I remember when Sammy had to testify in Congress about steroid use in baseball, he was See no Evil, Hear no Evil and Speak no English.
• MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred had no comment on Sammy Sosa's steroid admission, however it was obvious that sluggers in the 90s were juiced up on steroids. Sometimes it was embarrassing. I remember once Mark McGwire swung so hard at a pitch, one of his breasts slipped out of his uniform.
• The Hollywood Reporter reports that the Biden administration authorized $20 million to create Sesame Street for Iraqi TV. It's sponsored by the letters I, E and D. The first episode concludes with Bert and Ernie discovered for being more than just friends and thrown off the roof of the Baghdad Hyatt.
• Denmark upgraded Greenland's defense capabilities Wednesday after Trump said U.S. control of Greenland is a necessity. This could be fun. Defense measures for the Arctic province include the addition of two elite dog sled teams, but they are no match on the battlefield for our Haitian refugees and a Weber grill.
• Donald Trump demanded that ownership of the Panama Canal be returned to the U.S. The U.S. obtained the 10-mile-wide strip of Panama by treaty with Colombia in 1903. However Jimmy Carter in late 1977 traded the Panama Canal to Panama in exchange for Marvin's Gardens and Baltic Avenue.
• King Charles delivered the King's Christmas Day Speech and thanked the British people for their concern for his ongoing cancer recovery. At that moment police arrested a naked man who was driving 110 mph outside London. He was charged with England's most serious crime, not being drunk.
• Florida's Matt Gaetz vowed to expose all the sex harassment non-disclosure agreements reached by other House Members after the Ethics Committee burned him. They say Matt had partied with cocaine, ecstasy and underage hookers. And I say it's called meeting the Florida voters where they live.
• Disney Studio said it's leaving woke politics and scrapped a Pixar movie about a transgender athlete Monday. They denied reports on social media that Disney theme parks are about to retire Mickey Mouse. He would be replaced by Millennial Mickey, who'd work from home three days a week.
• The Saturday Night Live audience erupted in adoring screams when accused CEO-shooter Luigi Mangione's name was mentioned. Young people have it in for HMOs. My 24-year-old neighbor told me she can be on her mother's health plan until she's 27 and at that point she'll have to change mothers.
• President Biden ignited a firestorm of public anger last week by commuting the death sentences of 37 murderers. It gives Democrats a chance to capitalize on Luigi Mangione Mania and go after Generation Z. Next year in Blue States, November will be the hunting season for quail, deer and CEOs.
• NASA's Parker Solar Probe set a record Tuesday flying within 3 million miles of the sun. The U.S. government is relieved. The probe reported to NASA that 1,000 hard drives belonging to the Royals, the FBI, the CIA, Jeffrey Epstein, Hillary Clinton and Hunter Biden were successfully ejected into the Sun.
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