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• The NFL posted its rule on concussion protocols to help players avoid CTE. Last Sunday on the sidelines, a doctor checked a quarterback for concussion by asking a civics question. When he said he had no idea who is running the country, he was medically cleared and sent back onto the field to play.
• Modern Health website urged that holiday feasts include a wide variety of foods from different food groups that provide the body with essential nutrients, vitamins and minerals. My own diet features variety. With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying any other food.
• Psychology Today said the holidays can cause a real strain on romantic relationships because of unrealistic expectations. Last week, my girlfriend told me I love football more than I love her. But I love you more than hockey and basketball combined is not the answer my ex-girlfriend wanted to hear.
• Pope Francis hosts the midnight Christmas Eve Mass in the Vatican tonight as kids worldwide await Santa. The bad news is, Santa Claus has big problems this year because his elves just joined the Teamsters, which is good, because now Santa is less likely to be shot in the back while crossing the street.
• The New York Post warns that the trial of Luigi Mangione for his random murder of a CEO will further make him a hero to anti-capitalists and anarchists. Five anarchists were just arrested in Ohio for plotting to blow up a bridge. And it might have happened if they could've agreed on who's in charge.
• Netflix will air a documentary called Fear City about American gangsters throughout history and their aberrant behavior. It says the famous bank robber of the 1930s, Machine Gun Kelly, when dating a porn star, drank her urine. I just want to take a second and thank my parents for hugging me as a child.
• Cedar Ridge Lodge aired photos of the Northern Lights over Southwest Missouri. I performed there two years ago and I received some anti-Hollywood hostility from the staff. I told the desk clerk I wanted the porn in my room to be disabled, and he replied we only have regular porn, you sick bastard.
• The Los Angeles Fire Department held special drills to guard the City of Angels from a repeat of last week's brushfires in Malibu. Longtime residents have a traditional way of preparing. Potatoes wrapped in tinfoil and stored in the cupboard become a welcome consolation if your house burns down.
• Congress proposed a forty percent pay raise for House Members and U.S. Senators in the original 1,500-page bipartisan spending bill. House Members presented two good reasons for why they need a 40% pay raise. It was a bad year for insider trading and the kickbacks from Ukraine end in one month.
• The New York Stock Exchange fell 1,100 points Wednesday when the Federal Reserve reported that interest rate cuts will slow down in 2025. It capped the worst 12-day stretch in the stock market since 1974. For two weeks the stock market has been dropping like it went out for drinks with Bill Cosby.
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