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• The CDC says the first case of Bird Flu was diagnosed in Louisiana Friday. The scare coincides with animal rights protests on behalf of poultry. Yesterday a PETA protestor came into KFC and told me the chicken I was eating once had a family, so I told her that's why I always order the Family Bucket.
• Market Research Report says Hispanic population growth propelled Mexican restaurant sales to $29 billion in 2024. In a poll remarkably dismissive of authentic Mexican cuisine, a poll just named Taco Bell as the Best Mexican Restaurant in America. This is why we have the Electoral College.
• Daily Variety commended Tom Cruise Tuesday after the Secretary of the Navy awarded the movie star a special medal for aiding the Navy in recruitment. Tom's heroic roles in the Top Gun movies earned him the Navy medal. It's the first one awarded since John Wayne won World War II.
• The Wall Street Journal detailed Wednesday how President Biden's mental and physical decline was known by all in the White House since he took office. Who's shocked? It says staffers hid Joe Biden's mental decline since day one, making them worse hiders than Luigi Mangione at a McDonald's.
• New Jersey residents told the New York Times Wednesday that all the drone sightings in the skies at night have scared them. The government's acted. The FAA announced they've banned drone flights over the important parts of New Jersey, making New Jersey the only place you can fly drones anywhere.
• Elon Musk killed the 1,500-page bipartisan budget bill by mobilizing his 207 million followers to call or email congressmen and demand they refuse to vote for the spending bill. It forced Democrats to adjust their message. They just realized that for the last year they've been calling the wrong guy Hitler.
• Senator Rand Paul made the news Wednesday by pointing out that the House Speaker need not be a Member of Congress and he proposed Elon Musk for House Speaker. Just picture the possibilities. According to the Forbes List, if Congress can reduce the National Debt to $335 billion, Elon could pay it.
• Syrian rebel leaders struggled in Damascus to put together a government that represents all rebel factions Tuesday. Syria follows Haiti, Lebanon and Vietnam as former French colonies that devolved into utter chaos. The outcome of French military intervention shows you why it's wise to surrender early.
• The White House assured the American people the federal government is taking action to address the drones darting in the night skies over the Eastern Seaboard Thursday. I certainly understand the growing sense of panic and fear. These drones are eating our cats and eating our dogs in New Jersey.
• Gourmet magazine reported the tradition of Christmas Dinner of turkey and puddings in America has its roots back in England. The annual Christmas family feast in America began in the 1600's and became instantly popular. That's because in the old days, everybody got one free swing at a relative.
• Tom Cruise was awarded a medal by the U.S. Navy Tuesday for how he helps the Navy in recruiting through his roles in Top Gun movies. Tom and I have the same hair stylist on Canon Drive. Last Friday I asked the barber to cut my hair just like Tom Cruise and he lifted me up and sat me on a pillow.
• The Magic Castle, the Hollywood magician's nightclub and home to the Academy of Magical Arts, elected a new board of directors tasked to cut down on sexism. I have a former girlfriend who used to work for a magician and she got sawed in half every night. She now lives in Denver and Chicago.
• The New York Post reports the alleged CEO shooter Luigi Mangione waived extradition Tuesday and was scheduled to be transferred from Pennsylvania to New York today. What a story. Luigi Mangione could face either the death penalty, or even worse, a lifetime sentence of uninsured back pain.
• Donald Trump hosted the CEOs of Apple, Facebook and Amazon and collected $1 million from each for Trump's Inauguration Fund. Trump cheerfully welcomes Democrats. Oprah Winfrey was invited to the Inauguration but Oprah demanded $1 million from the Inauguration Fund to attend.
• NBC News reports the first case of deadly Bird Flu arrived in the U.S. Thursday when a patient hospitalized in Louisiana tested positive for Bird Flu, according to the CDC. Defensive measures are underway. President Biden heard the news and immediately ordered the bombing of the Canary Islands.
• President Biden called for a ban on U.S congressmen and U.S. senators from participating in stock market trades while they're in Congress. This was seen as a direct shot at the former Speaker. It just took Joe Biden a week to replace a fractured hip bone as Nancy Pelosi's number-one pain in the ass.
• Politico reported that House Republicans revolted against all the federal spending contained in the emergency spending bill to keep the government running. The deadline is Friday. In case of a government shutdown Members of Congress will still get paid under the Americans with No Abilities Act.
• The San Francisco Board of Supervisors hired a fat-acceptance influencer Tuesday to publicize fat acceptance and fat positivity and combat fat-shaming. They have the wind at their backs on this one. There are two things Americans won't tolerate, taxation without representation and portion control.
• Prince Andrew according to reports unwittingly brought a Chinese spy into Buckingham Palace last week. As you may know, the U.S. and England share all security intelligence. It's reassuring to know that Prince Andrew gives the same respect to our national security as he does to the age of consent.
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