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• Syria's ousted dictator Bashar al-Assad said in Moscow Monday he wanted to stay in Damascus and fight the rebels but Russia evacuated him. On Sunday Syria's Christian church congregations rejoiced. The Southern Baptist Convention said their church members in Syria may dance just this once.
• Caitlin Clark was named Time's Athlete of the Year Friday but upset people by saying she knows she has white privilege. It's so true. I know white guys in West Hollywood who will pay good money to get beat up by black lesbians every night, but Caitlin gets paid millions for the experience.
• Kamala Harris let it be known at the DNC holiday party Sunday that she may run for governor of California in 2026 as a prelude to another presidential campaign bid in 2028. She insisted in her speech that she was not defeated. Kamala refuses to go away quietly into the night, like most drunks.
• New Jersey liquor stores reported a huge spike in liquor sales from residents who are throwing unidentified drone-watch parties at night. They've been darting over their night sky for a month. The only reason I can think aliens would want to abduct people in New Jersey is for the bowling lessons.
• Donald Trump said Monday he doesn't believe the mysterious drones flying over the Northeast and California nightly are the work of a foreign power. I've noticed one thing. It's interesting how these unidentified drones have avoided flying over the South, historically home to America's best shots.
• Donald Trump opened his press conference in Palm Beach Monday by welcoming the Chairman of Softbank, who announced a $100 billion investment in the U.S. to develop industries in America. The Biden administration is understandably angry. That's $100 billion that could have gone to Ukraine.
• Donald Trump took thirty-five questions at his press conference Monday and expressed a desire to get rid of Daylight Savings Time once he's president. Hey, does Trump have something against our traditional American holidays? Twice a year it's How Do I Change the Clock on My Microwave Day.
• President Biden is planning a statue to FDR's Frances Perkins who devised Social Security. It takes money from new investors, pays old investors, skims off the middle to fund the bureaucracy, and you keep printing money to pay for it. Her portrait is currently on display in Bernie Madoff's prison cell.
• President Biden broke into a terrible coughing fit that ruined his speech to the Labor Department Monday in Joe's first public appearance since he fell asleep onstage in Africa. His legacy is secure. If nothing else, President Biden single-handedly destroyed the myth of white supremacy once and for all.
• Democrat Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett accused Hispanic voters of having a slave mentality for voting Trump. They don't need her approval. Christ was a carpenter, he was born in a barn in a foreign country and his name was Jesus so it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to deduce he was Mexican.
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