Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Syrian dictator Bashar al Assad fled to Russia Saturday after Syrian rebels finally broke through and captured Damascus. It sparked a humanitarian response in the U.S. Concerned Americans flooded the White House with e-mails wanting to know if the bloodshed will result in cheaper gas prices.

• The Dallas Cowboys face nationwide ridicule over the team’s poor play this fall. If you walk past any bar in West Hollywood on Sundays and hear them inside yelling, screw the Cowboys, you’re never quite sure if they’re watching the Dallas game or Brokeback Mountain. Either way it ends up in suicide.

• Forbes magazine cited a Federal Reserve report which revealed that Baby Boomers control 72% of the entire private wealth in the United States. And that wealth translates to power which must be respected. If we switched to cursive writing and stick-shift cars, we could cripple an entire generation.

• CBS News quoted scientists who warned of the threat from a Zombie Virus escaping from long-buried bodies being thawed out by the rapidly melting permafrost. If I was a mortician I would tie the shoelaces of dead people together. So if there ever was a zombie apocalypse, it would be hilarious.

• The National Retail Federation forecasts Americans will spend $1 trillion holiday shopping this year. The Biden Administration just added a new shopping day to the calendar. Black Friday was followed by Small Business Saturday followed by Cyber Monday, now followed by Pardon Me Thursday.

• The White House was reported urging President Biden to preemptively pardon prominent Trump tormentors from a Trump DOJ. It’s gaining steam. After returning from Africa Friday, President Biden pardoned Hunter Biden again for any crimes that he might have committed since the first pardon.

• President Biden may pardon Dr. Fauci from reprisals for his dictatorial Covid rules. During the lockdown, if you had family around on Christmas Day, the police could legally enter your house and force them to go home. Does anyone know if this service is still available and if you have to book it?

• New York police issued a nationwide all-points bulletin for the murderer of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. They speculate the murder was over denial of coverage. It’s America’s most-mourned assassination of a health care CEO since Pablo Escobar was gunned down by Colombian police in 1993.

• Governor Gavin Newsom called a special session of the legislature to pass bills that he hopes will Trump-proof California from de-regulation measures. Gavin just won’t give up being annoying. Governor Newsom won’t let Santa Claus fly over California unless he replaces his reindeer with 9 EV’s.

• Russian ballet star Vladimir Shklyarov, who was openly critical of Putin’s Ukraine war policy, fell out of a building window and plunged 60 feet to his death in St. Petersburg. It just never ends. No one believes the Kremlin explanation that he was rehearsing for his role in the classic ballet Swan Dive.

• German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock hinted she’s willing to send the German Army to Ukraine, but only in a ceasefire deal. She won’t send German combat troops to help the U.S. and England fight Russia in Ukraine, which is disappointing. A world war without Germany feels a bit empty.

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