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• Emory University professor Carol Anderson wrote an editorial saying Trump's win is a Confederate victory and called it the last stand for white supremacy. That's just silly. America showed the world it is not a racist country in 2008 by electing Barrack Obama president, and we're still recovering from it.
• Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is now reported to be Trump's back-up candidate for Defense Secretary. The governor lost to Trump in the primaries but he beat Disney World in court. Ron successfully took on Mickey, but was stopped by Donald who will take over the White House from Goofy.
• President Biden is reported to be mulling pardoning loyalists who haven't been charged with any wrong doing yet to protect them from Trump's DOJ. If the president gives these pardons to people not yet charged by Trump's DOJ he's an idiot. But if he sells them, then that's the Joe we know and love.
• Politico reports Donald Trump has made plans to fly to Maryland next weekend and attend the Army-Navy football game Saturday. Trump will be on one side in the first half and then he'll switch over to the other side. It's a bad example if he really plans on getting rid of trans-genders in the military.
• Donald Trump joked with Justin Trudeau Saturday that if Canada is going to cost the U.S. $100 billion a year, they should become the 51st state. The key to enjoying Trump's humor is knowing that he's never kidding. Ten bucks says Trump plans to annex Canada and rename it Gay North Dakota.
• The NYPD are searching for the assassin who shot and killed UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson as he was crossing the street from his hotel to a meeting Wednesday. I'm really surprised that the shooter didn't rob him as well. In New York City, your wallet gets off the bus six stops before you do.
• Dutch creationist and carpenter Johann Hulbert finished building an exact replica of Noah's Ark that's now anchored in a Holland estuary. The ark is a big tourist attraction. He now plans now to stock it with two of everything, two elephants, two lions, two horses, two dogs, two cats, and Dolly Parton.
• The New York Post says a Vancouver couple invented an AI-powered baby stroller which operates hands free. The stroller stops and goes whenever the attendant stops and goes, leaving the attendant's hands both free. It's perfect for the young mother who's trying to balance motherhood with a drinking problem.
• Elton John showed up for the Broadway preview of his musical The Devil Wears Prada and told reporters he's lost his sight. The news of Elton's blindness did have one positive effect. It inspired millions of fellow Baby Boomers to stop watching porn while they're still able to drive during the daytime.
• A House probe discovered that 12 Veterans Administration officials had an orgy at a VA hospital in Tennessee, 6 male and 6 female. I'm not able to judge, because it so happens that last week, I was involved in a threesome. Oh sure, we had a couple of no-shows, but I wound up having a great time.
• Humana Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson was killed by an assassin in New York City Wednesday morning. The shooter crept up behind him as he was crossing the street and shot him 3 times, leaving the HMO chief executive dead on the sidewalk. I'll need pre-authorization before I can feel just sick about it.
• Star Trek's William Shatner was interviewed by Bill Maher about the Democratic Party election loss and Shatner praised Kamala, saying she was fully qualified to be black and a woman. Shatner is 93 years old and it shows. He shouldn't be talking about presidents, he should be running for president.
• President Biden returned from a three-day economic conference in West Africa Thursday. While he was there, African leaders asked Joe Biden for advice on how to achieve a successful economy. That's like asking the captain of the Hindenburg if he would like to take a turn on the Goodyear Blimp.
• President Biden unleashed gaffe after gaffe during speeches to African leaders Wednesday. Joe also fell asleep onstage during a televised economic symposium with the leaders of Angola, Congo, Zambia and Tanzania. Niger was not invited just to keep Niger from appearing on Biden's teleprompter.
• Donald Trump will be at the opening of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris Saturday. Much is being made of ancient artifacts found in the rubble, but archaeologists are just guessing. A thousand years from now archaeologists digging through Scottsdale will think Ted Williams must have insulted the king.
• Business Week reported that America's retail chain stores and restaurants are beefing up security ahead of the holiday shopping season inside and outside of their stores. In Los Angeles last week a man was held up and robbed as he was leaving a Starbucks. The real news is that he had any money left.
• Scripps News says 25% of Americans plan to holiday shop on their credit cards and 11% are still in debt from last year's spree. Mom always told me to work hard until my bank balance looks like a phone number, and I'm thrilled to say I finally achieved it today. I checked on my balance and it's $9.11.
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