Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

GET ARGUS' DAILY SMILES TO YOUR INBOX. SIGN UP FOR THE JWR UPDATE. IT'S FREE. (AND NO SPAM!) Just click here.

• President Biden pardoned son Hunter Biden for all his crimes the last ten years Sunday. It didn't stop there. Joe also pardoned Aaron Rodgers for stealing $40 million from the New York Jets, Joy Behar for hogging all the white meat at Thanksgiving and Kamala Harris for killing a dozen cases of Cabernet.

• Ellen DeGeneres and her partner's country estate in England was flooded after a huge storm caused a river to overflow its banks just two weeks after they scorned the Trump election victory and moved to England. It's puzzling. The locals were hoping the river would hold with the recent addition of two dikes.

• Daily Variety says TV executives are trying to think of how to lure viewers back to network prime-time programming lost to streaming, podcasts and YouTube. They're afraid to blame DEI casting. I do not know the exact census ratio, but according to TV commercials 90% of America is now black and gay.

• Fortune magazine printed an article giving tips on how to survive holiday office parties without waking up the next day hung over and fired. If only for the sake of your long-term health, I suggest you eat a piece of liver before you start drinking. That way the alcohol won't know which liver to attack.

• Donald Trump will attend the grand re-opening of the historic Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris on Saturday after it burned up in an accidental fire in 2019. The fire displaced cathedral custodians and bell ringers. For five years Quasimodo has been billed as the Hunchback of the Nearby Holiday Inn.

• Consumer Reports published statistics showing Americans spent 29% more on Thanksgiving this year on food, travel, and lodging which bodes well for Christmas spending. Thanksgiving is now officially over. It started with Biden pardoning the turkey and it ended with Biden pardoning the Hunter.

• President Biden pardoned his son Hunter of all crimes Sunday prompting an outcry in Congress and in the media. However White House Press Secretary Karine Jean Pierre is greatly relieved that President Biden pardoned his son. She was sick and tired of saying that's something Joe would never do.

• The White House said Hunter had been unfairly targeted because he was the president's son. The pardon surprised no one who foresaw how his prosecution would have threatened the entire Biden family. If you're still surprised, well, as they say in the adult film industry, you should've seen it coming.

• President Biden issued a pardon going back 10 years for his son Hunter on Sunday. Hunter spent his young adult life dodging the IRS, doing booze, coke and strippers, while merrily raking in lots of dough. Hunter may be safe from federal charges but I can still sue him in civil court for stealing my act.

• President Biden was reported by CNN to have caved in to Jill's insistence that Joe pardon their son Hunter. They said he did it for the grandchild, Hunter's six-year-old daughter out of wedlock in Arkansas. Joe didn't wants the stripper's daughter to think that her dad had appeared naked in public.

• President Biden flew to Africa Sunday where he's meeting with leaders of Angola, Zambia and Congo about the U.S.-built Trans-Africa Railway. Comedians followed Joe's trip closely for his signature gaffes. I lost ten dollars betting Joe would ask to meet with the leader of Trans-Africa Ru Paul.

• Donald Trump named intelligence loyalist Kash Patel as his new FBI Director. Kash uncovered the FBI agents behind the Russia collusion hoax against Trump resulting in their dismissal and outed one agent as a Russian spy. As guard dogs go, he makes Biden's German Shepherd look like an emotional support dog.

• The College Football Playoff selection committee list narrowed Saturday with 12 teams allowed into the playoffs instead of 4. For the first time, the private school Southern Methodist University has a chance to get into the playoffs. I predict SMU will get in after their parents make a few phone calls.

• The Washington Post reported a huge turnout at the retail stores and malls in Washington D.C. on Black Friday. It's the busiest sale day of the year for all the lobbyists shopping for bargains on Capitol Hill. Some congressmen go for as low as a million dollars plus sales tax and insider trading tips.

• Walgreen's stores were sacked by a looting spree from flash mobs in 23 stores in San Francisco's Bay Area last week. Nationwide the store is under an attack from flash mobs. Last week Walgreen's closed two stores on the South Side of Chicago and moved them to a safer location in Southern Lebanon.

• Elon Musk was honored at Donald Trump's Thanksgiving dinner in gratitude for all his support and willingness to work in the Trump administration to cut out government waste. Donald Trump and Elon Musk have developed a close alliance. For starters the two men share the same enemy, Super Cuts.

• The EU warned Elon Musk they will cancel X, formerly Twitter, if it violates the European Union regulated speech laws. I personally know where EU leaders are coming from. Every government leader in the world wants a song written about them but not one of them wants a joke written about them.

• Donald Trump named Kash Patel his choice to be FBI Director. He wrote a book detailing how an FBI agent later arrested for spying for Russia investigated Trump for colluding with Russia. If the FBI is monitoring everybody would you please tell me where I left my keys when I got in last night?

• Bobby Kennedy is set for a major role in promoting healthy food for kids as HHS Secretary. It's not easy for parents to convince today's kids to eat healthy, natural foods. Tricking your children with fruit disguised as candy will make their decision about your nursing home much easier in 50 years.

• Kamala Harris served at the central homeless shelter cafeteria in Washington for Thanksgiving Thursday. She helped to cook and stuff the turkeys and bake the yams and handed out dinners to the needy who came to dine. The homeless shelter cafeteria just reeked of Ripple, and then Kamala left.

• Vladimir Putin expressed optimism over a Trump presidency Friday but warned that Trump still isn't safe from assassination attempts. Putin's an expert on those, so I'd listen to him. Recently I got a Russian Orthodox Advent calendar, but every time I open a window, a dissident gets pushed out.

• President Zelensky offered to cede territory to Russia in exchange for NATO membership. These ballistic missile exchanges are getting dangerous. Staying in the game, President Biden assured Americans that every American who is killed during World War III will have their student loan forgiven.

(COMMENT, BELOW)