Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Sharon Stone said the U.S. has entered a period of ignorant, arrogant adolescence Tuesday while Alec Baldwin was calling Americans uninformed. I love it when Hollywood stars try to claim the moral high ground. Ask any one of them what they did for a Klondike Bar before they finally got work.

• UFOs were reported flying over Connecticut and Manchester, England, Wednesday. Did anybody ever consider that UFOs might simply be billionaires from outer space? UFOs have even been spotted deep in the ocean by Navy submarines, proving that even extraterrestrials want to see the Titanic.

• USA Today reports a few of Donald Trump's cabinet nominees are being targeted by anonymous phone calls to the police warning of attacks on their homes. In Malibu, Bobby Kennedy's home is now surrounded by Animal Control officers. They're there to protect wild animals from being eaten by Bobby.

• President Biden spent the holiday week providing Ukraine with more U.S. ballistic missiles for use by Ukraine to fire into Russia, which Putin warns risks starting U.S.-Russia nuclear war. As Joe's term nears the end, the Biden Doctrine is hilariously clear. It states if Joe's got to go, we've all got to go.

• President Biden received support from the Trump security team for the Israel-Hezbollah ceasefire brokered by the U.S. The Iran-backed terrorists weathered Israeli rocket fire just fine, but they were brought to the peace table by exploding phone pagers. Credit Israel's newest defense contractor, Acme.

• Kamala Harris posted a rambling, slurring video vowing to continue to fight while waving her arms and urging her followers never to let anybody take their power away. Her presidency would have been fun for us comedians seeing how we all love drunk jokes. Kamala is clearly unburdened by sobriety.

• Prime Minister Justin Trudeau vowed to negotiate away Trump's tariff threats hoping his stance will boost his very low approval ratings Thursday. The next day, Trudeau arrived early at work, but he had to go back home and wash all the makeup off his face. Black Friday wasn't what he thought it was.

• Thanksgiving Day merged right into Black Friday shopping sprees Thursday before the dishes could be cleared from the dinner table. As I do every year, I made sure to bring up the subject of presidential politics at Thanksgiving dinner table. It saves me a lot of money on Christmas presents.

• The New York Post reported Americans consumed an average of 5,000 calories wolfing down a Thanksgiving Dinner feast slathered in gravy. We took the proper precautions. The CDC dutifully reminded Americans on Wednesday to remember to turn your bathroom scales back 15 pounds tonight.

• Donald Trump finished nominating his cabinet members Tuesday which include an impressive array of hot women. His cabinet includes Kristi Noem, Tulsi Gabbard. Pam Bondi, Kim Reynolds and his press secretary Caroline Leavitt. That's 5 more knockouts than the Jake Paul-Mike Tyson fight.

• Donald Trump announced he will go right to work on a bill that eliminates taxes on tips, Social Security and overtime to bring relief to working taxpayers. Ending the war would help me. I just did my taxes with my accountant last week, and even with all the withholding, I still owe $3,500 to Ukraine.

• President Biden announced the U.S. brokered a cease fire between Hezbollah fighters and Israelis Tuesday. It doesn't end the vitriol. I think the best way to destroy the terrorists in the Middle East is to simply pay them $150 a barrel for their oil and if the champagne doesn't kill them, the cocaine will.

• Kamala Harris returned Tuesday and posted a video where she sounded thick-tongued and slurry as she urged her voters never to give up. She sounded like every woman I used to try to pick up at closing time. Netflix just offered Jake Paul $40 million to drink tequila shots competitively with Kamala.

• Bell Media radio stations returned Baby It's Cold Outside to its playlist 5 years after after woke Progressives had it banished for being sexist. Hey, it's JUST a love song. If Progressives can get Baby It's Cold Outside cancelled for being culturally offensive, then I fear for the future of White Christmas.

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