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• Nightmares really do come true.
In Littleton, New Hampshire, a Hillsborough County grand jury filed indictments against Lisa Landon, 33, in early October, the Union Leader reported.
Landon was scheduled in court for three different cases in November and December 2019, involving drug possession and stalking. To avoid going to jail, Landon impersonated a prosecutor, using the court's electronic system to file fake documents dropping the charges against her.
A state forensic officer noticed last November that the charges were dropped and wondered if a scheduled competency evaluation on Landon should proceed, which tipped off court officials.
While she was at it, Landon allegedly filed an order on behalf of a relative to halt guardianship proceedings involving Landon's child.
She's been charged with one count of false impersonation and six counts of falsifying physical evidence. [Union Leader, 10/26/2020]
• A woman who would not leave a St. Petersburg, Florida, Mobil gas station was arrested for trespassing on Oct. 14, The Smoking Gun reported. But that's not the weird part. Melinda Lynn Guerrero, 33, was also charged with providing a false name to law enforcement after she repeatedly said her name was "My butt just farted."
Officers were familiar with Guerrero from a series of arrests over several years, and her last name is tattooed on her back, so ... They noted she may have been under the influence of alcohol or drugs. [The Smoking Gun, 10/16/2020]