Least Competent Criminal | Police Report

• A Springfield, Missouri, man took to Facebook to proudly demonstrate how to remove an ankle monitor. Dustin W. Burns, 33, had pleaded guilty earlier this year to violating a restraining order and was placed on probation. Authorities believe it is Burns using a butter knife and a screwdriver in the video, saying, "This is how you take an ankle bracelet off without breaking the circuit," according to the Springfield News-Leader. The narrator advises against damaging the electronic equipment so as to avoid thousands of dollars in fines.

Subsequent Facebook posts reference trips to Utah, Idaho and Oregon, and a video shows a man resembling Burns walking through a large marijuana farm with the caption "Dream come true." He has been in the Greene County jail since Aug. 28 and was charged in early October with tampering with electronic monitoring equipment, a felony. [Springfield News-Leader, 10/7/2018]

• Police officers in Richardson Forest Preserve, near Cincinnati, thought they had come across a body in a plastic trash bag dumped in the woods on Oct. 4. Instead, they found "Mandi," a life-size female sex doll, according to Metro News. Residents from the area have erected a shrine in the doll's memory, leaving flowers and candles along with messages, such as, "Mandi, you were taken too soon. We will remember you fondly. RIP." The doll is thought to be an expensive, high-end model, which makes the mystery of its disposal even more perplexing. [Metro News, 10/7/2018]