Least Competent Criminals

• Police officers in Surf City, North Carolina, stopped Zachary Kingsbury, 20, of Lynnwood, Washington, on Aug. 30 and asked him to step out of his car because they had spotted contraband inside. Kingsbury complied, but then took off running, heading toward the beach -- and didn't stop when he hit the ocean. According to the Port City Daily, Kingsbury continued swimming for almost an hour as police tracked him with a drone-mounted camera, which allowed them to also see the shark trailing him in the water. At that point, said Surf City Police Chief Ron Shanadan, the chase "became a rescue operation," and multiple emergency crews were dispatched to pick up the fugitive. Kingsbury was taken into custody in North Topsail Beach and charged with resisting arrest and possession of marijuana and methamphetamine. [Port City Daily, 8/30/2017]

• The first rule of thievery ought to be: Draw no attention to oneself. An unnamed driver in Lelystad, The Netherlands, apparently hadn't learned this rule before he strapped two large lampposts to the roof of his tiny two-door car and drove away from Almere, where police believe he stole them. The NL Times reported that officers stopping the man on Aug. 1 smelled alcohol on his breath, but his offenses didn't end there: His license had been declared invalid late last year, and his car was uninsured. It was unclear what the man planned to use the lampposts for. [NL Times, 8/2/2017]