Jewish World Review Dec. 29, 2003 / 4 Teves, 5764

Martin Kimel

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The Flack in the Hat ... (With apologies to Dr. Seuss) | Sally and I had nothing to do.
We stared out the window.
We were bored with the view.
So we turned on the tube, and what did we see?
The Cat in the Hat! He was there on TV!
He was on Channel Two!
He was on Channel Four!
He was peddling goods in commercials galore!

"These burgers are good for you kids," said the cat.
"They are good for you, yes,
Though they'll make you grow fat.
Have plenty of soda, potato chips, too.
Your mother won't mind it at all if you do."

But our fish did not like it.
Not one little bit.
He loudly complained.
He would not let it sit.
He said, "You wouldn't be selling out all we hold dear
If Theodor Geisel -- Dr. Seuss -- were still here!"

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"Look at me!" said the cat.
"Yes, it's fun to be funny.
But, in the real world, you have to make money.
For a reasonable fee,
I'll pitch what you wish.
(Just get me away from that bothersome fish.)

"I can plug 'Mr. Clean.'
Or push dishwasher soap.
I can sell you ten kinds of Jam-jigger-roo rope.
I'll sell digital toys,
Or girls' clothes for boys,
Or useless devices that make funny noise.
But I am not through.
No, I am not done.
If you like, I can sell you Thing Two or Thing One!"

Then the cat turned to pick up a rake he had bent.
On his back was a sign reading, "This space for rent."
With a tip of his hat,
The famed cat gave a wave.
And he left Dr. Seuss to spin, spin in his grave

Martin Kimel is a Washington, D.C.-area lawyer and writer. He also blogs at Comment by clicking here.


© 2003, Martin Kimel