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Jewish World Review Dec. 30, 2003 / 5 Teves, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Keyshawn Johnson was hired by Fox Sports as an NFL analyst after the receiver was dumped by Tampa Bay for his selfish attitude. Keep an eye on this guy. He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything, and that points to a career in politics.

El Nino rains hit Los Angeles Thursday, causing havoc on freeways and surface roads. Pile-ups and spin-outs were everywhere. Scientists are beginning to suspect that mixing cattle feed into the gasoline is causing an outbreak of Mad Car Disease.

Howard Dean was attacked Sunday by Joe Lieberman and Dick Gephardt and John Kerry. It's really not in their interests to keep picking on a fellow Democrat like this. Two more weeks of these pot shots and Howard Dean will have a war record.

King Abdullah of Jordan Thursday asked Saddam Hussein's two daughters to stay out of politics. They are an ominous presence. No one wants to say these women could cause a lot of trouble, but Uday and Qusay's childhood nicknames were The Little Angels.

Osama bin Laden released another audio tape aimed at frightening Americans on Thursday. He's only helping the Republicans. Every time Osama bin Laden calls for the killing of the unfaithful he makes Hillary Clinton look weak and indecisive.

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King made $50 million last weekend at the box office. It has grossed $220 million in twelve days. That's the most money you can make in two weeks without a smoker's cough and a Florida jury.

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