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Jewish World Review Dec. 18, 2003 / 23 Kislev, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Homeland Security warned that the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory in Los Angeles is not secure. That's the way it goes in Hollywood. No matter how well established you are, there's always a younger and prettier laboratory waiting to take your place.

Yellowstone Park got a judge Monday to ban all snowmobiles in three years to preserve its natural privacy. The administration opposed the ban for political reasons. The woods are the last breeding ground for the vanishing Southern Democrat.

Strom Thurmond was acknowledged Monday as father of a mixed- race daughter by a secret affair he had with his family's maid eighty years ago in South Carolina. Many people were shocked by the news. It destroys the myth perpetrated by the Yankee press for a hundred years that blacks and whites don't get along in the South.

Joe Lieberman gained votes in the South after Saddam's capture Sunday. He is a perfect fit for the region. When Joe Lieberman refuses to work on Saturday for religious reasons, Southerners take it as a sign of respect for college football.

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