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Jewish World Review Dec. 11, 2003 / 16 Kislev, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Park Place Hotels in Las Vegas banned problem gamblers Monday. All of their casinos display large signs advertising a hotline for you to call if you have a gambling problem. One guy who called said he had an ace and six and wondered what to do.

China was hit by a powerful earthquake Tuesday which rocked its southeastern coastal region. Geologists were impressed by its power. If this quake had moved any more things around, Taiwan would be demanding its independence from California.

Wesley Clark told reporters Monday he might name Hillary Clinton his running mate. He said he's been an admirer of hers since they met in Paris twenty years ago. Apparently he can't convince her to run with him without resorting to blackmail.

Al Gore gave a rip-roaring speech in Iowa Tuesday endorsing Howard Dean for the Democratic nomination for president. He shouted and bellowed and waved his arms. Tipper always replaces his batteries as soon as they go on sale for Christmas.

John Kerry and Joe Lieberman held out hope Tuesday they could still win the nomination despite Al Gore backing Howard Dean. No one knows how it will affect the uncommitted vote. Bill Clinton was out for the evening and couldn't be reached.

Senator Paul Simon of Illinois died in Springfield Tuesday after a long life and a distinguished career. His friends say he endorsed Howard Dean from his hospital bed. It never occurred to them he might have been calling out for a doctor.

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