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Jewish World Review Dec. 5, 2003 / 10 Kislev, 5764

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Poll: Soccer Moms feel taken for granted by NASCAR Dads

NASCAR Dads accuse Soccer Moms of 'nagging' | According to a survey of two key constituencies in the 2004 presidential race, soccer moms feel that they are being "taken for granted" by NASCAR dads, while NASCAR dads wish that soccer moms would "stop their nagging already."

The poll, conducted by the Crandall Public Opinion Institute at the University of Minnesota, shows that seventy percent of soccer moms agree with the statement, "These NASCAR dads are not the NASCAR dads we married."

Additionally, sixty-three percent of the soccer moms feel that NASCAR dads are spending "too much time" being courted by presidential candidates and "not enough time" performing such basic household tasks as carpooling, taking out the garbage, and raking leaves.

For their part, eighty-two percent of NASCAR dads surveyed in the poll said they had had "just about enough" of the soccer moms' complaining.

Even more tellingly, one hundred percent agreed with the statement, "I would rather go to a NASCAR race then sit around listening to this cr-p."

Ominously, an equal percentage of soccer moms agreed with the statement, "Fine, but don't expect me to be here when you get back."

Dr. David Givens, who conducted the survey for the University of California, said that soccer moms may once again mobilize as a political force in 2004, but added, "There's an equal chance that they may just go home to their mothers."

Warning that "hell hath no fury like a soccer mom scorned," Dr. Givens said that the soccer moms' anger at the NASCAR dads may wind up benefiting two other key constituencies, handsome pool men and cable installers.

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Andy Borowitz Archives

JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison and "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.



© 2003, Andy Borowitz