Jewish World Review Dec. 10, 2002 / 5 Teves, 5763

Jeff Kramer

Jeff Kramer
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Consumer Reports

They're just Scaping by for a cause | They're organized, relentless and, by and large, dateless.

And they will not be denied.

Dedicated men and women are working tirelessly to save "Farscape" from cancellation.

"Farwhat?" you ask.

Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you people?

"Farscape" is a space opera that airs on the Sci Fi Channel. On Sept. 5 -- "Black Friday" -- network executives said "Farscape" would not return for its fifth season because of cost concerns.

Some Farscape fans were so outraged that they threatened to impale themselves on their browsers in protest. In no time, "Scapers" had a Web site -- -- and a new pickup line:

Um, wanna, like, come upstairs and see my Adobe Print Shop downloads of the Save 'Farscape' rally?"

Three months later, "Farscape" fans are waging an international campaign to save the show. They've raised over $13,000 ? admittedly, less money than you'd pay for a plate of broccoli and soy cheese at a Gray Davis fund-raiser, but it's a start.

"We're just a bunch of regular people (emphasis added) who thought this was worth saving," Scaper Robin Clark of Irvine told me. "The writing is so intelligent. They keep it really smart."

Obviously, that type of writing isn't my style, but I've always been open-minded about the Nut Job Community, so I asked Robin to tell me more about the show.

She explained that an American astronaut, John Critchton, is sent into space, gets sucked into a wormhole, meets up with a group of escaped prisoners and gets chased by bad guys.

"It's a relationship show," she said.

"Right," I said.

She added that the prisoners are on a "biomechanical" spaceship named "Moya."

"She has a brain. She has a soul. Pilot is sort of grafted to her and helps control her and work with her. This isn't going to make any sense. It makes perfect sense on the show. I am sounding dumber and dumber every second."

I told Robin not to worry; in my capable hands, she would appear articulate and intelligent to hundreds of thousands of readers.

Thus assured, Robin told me that the spaceship, Moya, had a baby.

"The ship she bore, his name is Talyn. He actually has weapons,which Moya does not. He's more of a battleship."

Of course he is.

There's even more "info" on the Web site, plus lots of informed opinions from the under-employed.

"In my humble opinion," one posting reads, "I believe that Talyn should first be removed from negative influence and spend more time with his mother and her Pilot. And after a structural and schismatic examination, have a Pilot installed, and have the joining process performed, for three full cycles, in the presence of Moya and the Pilot."

Hope that clears everything up. If not, the first 11 episodes of Season 4 air 8 a.m.-6 p.m. Christmas Eve on the Sci Fi Channel.

You have until then to find a date.

JWR contributor Jeff Kramer is a humor columnist based at the Orange County Register. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2002, Orange County Register