Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Miss Universe Pageant, hosted by my friend comedian Steve Byrne, was held last weekend in Bangkok, Thailand, and televised live on NBC Peacock as well as Telemundo. On Saturday night, Miss Mexico was crowned Miss Universe. However an appeal has been lodged by Miss Exo-Planet 436B.

• The Dallas Cowboys will host the Kansas City Chiefs on the traditional Thanksgiving Day game carried on CBS. The locals aren't thrilled. Before the season, the Dallas Cowboys signed a deal to endorse Tyson's Chicken Nuggets, and as a result they have been recalled this week as a choking hazard.

• Chicago ICE agents were picketed last week by transgender protestors dressed up in leotards while socialist firebrands competed with DC lawmakers urging the military to disobey orders for TV air time. Ronald Reagan once called America The Shining City on a Hill. Nowadays, it's just The Shining.

• First Lady Melanie Trump stood outside on the South Portico to receive the 2025 White House Christmas Tree Friday which arrived aboard a horse-drawn wagon. President Trump is definitely in the holiday spirit. In one week, he's pardoned two turkeys, three if you count the Saudi Crown Prince.

• The New York Times reports Open AI tweaked its chat-box to make it safer for mental patients to use who've lost touch with reality. The CDC reported that around 25% of Americans are being treated for mental disorders, which alarms me. This means that 75% of us are running around untreated.

• President Trump said McDonald's has the best-tasting Coca-Cola, true because their storage maintains high carbonation. The 6-ounce Coca-Colas bottled in Mexico always sell out here in West Hollywood. We're just trusting that the Mexican cartels have returned Coca-Cola to its original formula.

• President Trump went on the diplomatic offensive Friday giving Vladimir Zelensky a deadline this week to agree to a US peace proposal that Trump will propose to Putin. The same day, Trump also spoke with Zohran Mamdani. It's the fastest he has ever gotten through to customer service support.

• House Democrat Jasmine Crockett produced evidence that GOP former House Member, now EPA chief Lee Zeldin received donations from Jeffrey Epstein. Turned out to be a dentist named Jeffrey Epstein in his district. The distinction is important to keep Hillary Clinton from hanging the wrong guy.

• Saudi Crown Prince Bin Salman was asked a question in the Oval Office about the 2018 assassination and dismemberment of Saudi journalist and regime critic Jamal Khashoggi in Turkey. The entire world was outraged over it. That year, Crown Prince Bin Salman was awarded the Nobel Cut into Pieces Prize.

• Pope Leo declared last week that the U.S. should be welcoming to all immigrants without regard to legal status or documentation. Isn't he wonderful? The pope issued this directive from behind a 39-foot-high wall and was patrolled by the Swiss Guard to keep unwanted visitors from entering Vatican City.

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