Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Trump will visit Arlington National Cemetery today to honor the military veterans whom we all honor on this day who have fought to keep this nation free. What I'm saying is Happy Veterans Day from Los Angeles. Or, as they say on the campaign trail in New York City, Allahu Akbar!

• The Comedy Store in West Hollywood interrupted my set in the Main Room Saturday where the young staff not yet born during my rascal days gave me a birthday cake onstage. If you want to enjoy a spotless reputation do what I do. Slowly and surely outlive everybody who knew what an idiot you were.

• Politico reports Zohran Mamdani's New York mayoral election received vocal help from Hollywood actors Mark Ruffalo and Cynthia Nixon. Also director Spoke Lee was a big backer. Meanwhile NBC is jumping on the Zohran Mamdani bandwagon with their new procedural drama Sharia Law and Order.

• New York voters elected Zohran Mamdani, a Uganda-born South Asian radical Muslim socialist the city's next mayor. He'll be inaugurated outside city hall in January. For safety's sake, the flyover at Mamdani's inauguration ceremony has been canceled in case the planes take a detour into the buildings.

• Zohran Mandani extolled socialism at his rally Tuesday where the wet bar sold beer for $13 a bottle, whisky shots $20 and Martini coolers $22. It's obvious if Mamdani is going to give you free buses, free food, free health care, it'll be paid for by alcoholics, and I hate giving back to the community.

• MLB was rocked by a betting scandal Sunday involving two Cleveland pitchers. Gamblers made a fortune on proposition bets because the pitchers tipped them their sequence of pitches. If the pitchers are convicted of profiting by tipping off their next pitch they could get 4-8 years with the Houston Astros.

• Fox Sports fired NFL analyst Mark Sanchez over his arrest last month for attacking a truck driver late at night in which the former quarterback was stabbed in the chest. I think it continues a sad pattern. The Jets are having such a miserable season even their former quarterbacks are getting sacked.

• Nashville music legend George Strait announced he will re-write and re-record all the songs in his music catalogue in order to appeal to the younger generation of country music fans. He hopes to connect with their own experiences. His first classic remake is titled All My Exes Changed Their Sexes.

• Prince Harry in Canada Friday apologized for wearing a Dodgers cap at a World Series game in L.A. last week. Pleasing both sides is a delicate balancing act for the Royal Family. Canada is part of the British Commonwealth, while 100% 0f Americans prefer King Charles to a government shutdown.

• President Trump openly complained in his press conference that the media never gives him credit for bringing down the cost of groceries and gas. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I don't mean to brag about my success, but when I'm shopping at The Dollar Store I don't even look at the prices.

• The Pentagon was ripped by Democrats after another boat strike in the Caribbean on Thursday destroyed a speed boat loaded with cocaine. Today's young adult party crowd in L.A. is too narcissistic for the drug anyway. Generation Z doesn't like cocaine because it blocks their reflection in the mirror.

• The Weather Channel reports that Hurricane Melissa continued to roil sea life in the Caribbean Seas after clobbering Jamaica. A British man was killed by a shark attack during his honeymoon while in the water but it appeared he didn't suffer long. Paramedics say he'd only been married 17 days.

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