Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The CDC warned a strain of Coronavirus labeled Stratus is poised to sweep the country this winter. In the 2020 pandemic, the virus gave us 6 months off work with $950 a week in direct benefits payments plus all-time low gas prices. I’m genuinely surprised Covid wasn’t elected Mayor of New York.

• New York voters went to the polls Tuesday and elected Zohran Mamdani the mayor. It’s hard to believe a Marxist will be running the world capital of capitalism. In Mamdani’s first move, Jake was replaced as the spokesman for State Farm, and replaced with the People’s Commissar of the State Farm.

• Fox News expressed shock that a young man radicalized by Islamic extremists was able to be elected Mayor of New York. Voters love to take chances. Back in college I was radicalized by the National Lampoon and one night in 1973 my fraternity brothers elected me President of the Panty Raid.

• Politico canvassed pollsters after Tuesday’s win for Democrats and they said the government shutdown produced massive voter anger against the GOP, the party in power. But no conservative a year ago could have imagined New Yorkers electing a communist mayor. Republicans missed all the red flags.

• The Senate failed to end the US government shutdown for the 14th time Tuesday, extending the longest shutdown in history. Some agencies now face extinction. This week the National Aquarium had to be re-located and the fish began panicking when they noticed the truck pulling into a Red Lobster.

• Politico analyzed the Democratic victories in Tuesday governor races in Jersey and Virginia as a triumph for moderate Democrats. However, 71% of New Jersey Democrats said they voted to express their hatred for Trump. It’s an indication of how so many people still refuse to move to Ireland.

• Secretary of the Interior Doug Burgum announced that the US just set an all-time record in oil production Tuesday at 13.6 million barrels per day. Yet Blue States keep piling on more taxes per gallon. In California gas prices are so high that kidnap victims are no longer driven to a second location.

• The White House was ordered to use Agriculture Department emergency money to fund food stamps in November due to the shutdown. However the EBT funds run out in December, even if the shutdown continues. By next spring, millions of Americans may be able to fit into their airline seats.

• Nancy Pelosi gave a pre-retirement interview on Monday in which she called President Trump a vile creature and the worst thing on earth. For his part, President Trump has said he wants to investigate Pelosi for insider stock trading, Nancy said that’s fine, just let her know before it goes public.

• Dick Cheney, architect of the Iraq War, died Tuesday having served four presidents as Chief of Staff, Defense Secretary and as VP. His death this week made the fall hunting season safer for all hunters. Dick Cheney is now eligible to become the first man to win the Nobel Peace Prize just for dying.

• President Trump stood by his ICE agent raids in his 60 Minutes interview when confronted about them by Norah O’Donnell Sunday. She complained about tactics but praised them as heroes. ICE agents sweeping through L.A. have inspired a hot new video game Call of Duty: Parking Lot Edition.

• The Air Traffic Controllers Union leaders blamed all the air travel chaos on the shortage of air traffic controllers in the towers. Last night I made the mistake of switching my cell phone to airplane mode before starting my car. I had to sit on the driveway for 2 hours before I was cleared to get rolling.

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