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President Trump returned home from five days of trade deals in Asia Thursday. An hour later he handed out Halloween candy at the South Door. This year Halloween came late for Democrats who got the scare of their lives this morning when daylight savings imposed an extra hour of Trump on them.
• The Sunshine Protection Act to make Daylight Savings Time year-round is in the Senate after the House passed it. So remember today, it’s spring forward and fall back. Last year, in the Middle East, a suicide bomber forgot to set the clock back on his backpack and he blew himself up an hour early.
• The NBA Board of Governors approved the sale of the Los Angeles Lakers to L.A. Dodgers owner Mark Walter. His highly successful Dodgers are the defending World Series champs. But after falling behind to the Blue Jays 3 games to 2, they’re losing their title faster than Prince Andrew.
• The Pentagon began destroying cocaine speedboats coming up Colombia’s Pacific side toward Southern California last week. I see what’s going on. General Sherman destroyed the morale of the South by burning the crops we needed to live on, and Trump’s adopted the same strategy for Hollywood.
• Daily Variety noted ratings showing Democrats and Republicans get their 's from separate cable 's outlets. It’s important to be able to spot political bias to keep from being brainwashed. Your cable 's channel is politically biased if it’s Fox 's or if it’s any channel other than Fox 's.
• Christian Bale said Donald Trump visited the set of his Batman film in 2011 and he actually thought that Bales was Bruce Wayne. The actor has made millions for himself and for the movie studios. My family made a fortune off Bales before 1861 but I can’t tell anyone about that in Hollywood.
• ' York mayor hopeful Zohran Mamdani’s mom said he’d always be Indian never American. On a college app he said he’s African American because he was born in Uganda, but both his parents are South Asian. That’s like claiming you’re Hispanic because your mother went into labor at Taco Bell.
• President Trump ordered the resumption of nuclear testing for the first time in 35 years last week. A nuclear attack on the U.S. Capitol may be the only thing Trump can do to end the 60-vote rule in the Senate and feed the poor. In order to re-open the U.S. government it may be necessary to destroy it.
• California Governor Gavin 'som was interviewed in a podcast Thursday in which he all but admitted he’s running for president. He said the Trump presidency is a five-alarm fire. And then out of habit, Gavin emptied the L.A. reservoir and re-named San Andreas, calling it Trump’s Fault.
• The Weather Channel reported that Hurricane Melissa laid waste to the island of Jamaica in the Caribbean Wednesday. The response was heartwarming. By the next day, three planeloads of volunteers from Los Angeles had left LAX bound for Jamaica to assist the survivors with the looting.
• The US Navy fleet will add the aircraft carrier the William J. Clinton slated for construction in 2027. We comics loved his time in office. During his presidency Bill was accused of having ten adulterous affairs in the White House, but he refuses to discuss them because that would cheapen them.
• West Hollywood played host to one million Halloween celebrants who dress up in wild and scary costumes and march along Santa Monica Boulevard. The three most popular costumes the last ten years have depicted a clown, a pumpkin and a dinosaur. And those are the gay people who LIKE Trump.
• ' York mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani faced a messaging crisis Wednesday when a 2022 video surfaced of his father, a professor at Columbia, saying Abraham Lincoln was Adolf Hitler’s role model. I hope this dies down. If not, this would require Democrats to describe Trump as Lincoln-esque.
• President Trump’s deal-making tour of Malaysia, Japan and South Korea reached a climax Wednesday when he met China’s President Xi and Chinese officials. It was long overdue when you think about it. After all, Trump’s been the president for nine months, it’s about time he met with the owners.
• South Korea’s President Lee hosted a ceremony thanking Trump for their ' military deal Wednesday. He presented Trump with a spectacular gold crown. I don’t want to say Democrats are worried Trump wants to be King, but the presentation ceremony aired that night on Masterpiece Theater.
• President Trump chastised House and Senate Democrats for all their swearing and profanity in political posts and videos saying they should only use the F-word every 6 or 7 days. Watching TV is a nightmare now with all the swearing and violence and profanity. And that’s just to get the remote.
• President Trump ordered the resumption of US nuclear weapons testing, citing recent Russian missile tests and China’s advancing nuclear weaponry. Let’s be careful now. When Trump says he is making America the hottest country in the world, I hope he doesn’t mean 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Boeing reported a big money loss Wednesday but then Trump sold South Korea $36 billion in Boeing airliners and China ordered 500 Boeing airliners. Watch out for falling debris. Demolition Derby fans are simply going to love the action when Boeing airliners have Asian drivers at the controls.
• Senate Democrats accused Senate Republicans of starving the poor by refusing to negotiate expanded Obamacare. The bad 's is, 42 million Americans are losing their EBT program that provides free groceries. The good 's is, the CDC just announced America’s obesity epidemic is over.
• A South Korean PhD student was seized by ICE at San Francisco airport after he flew home from his brother’s wedding in Seoul, due to a 2011 pot charge. The city’s ties to South Korea run very deep. San Francisco once named a stadium after South Korea’s most famous porn star, Candlestick Park.
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