Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Thanksgiving Day arrives after 80 million people and their phones traveled to be with each other at dinner time. It's a new ritual. The great thing about Thanksgiving with the entire family staring at their phones during dinner is you can take advantage of Black Friday sales without leaving the table.

• The National Highway and Transportation Department warned travelers this week that one out of every four car accidents are caused by drinking and driving. So if you are out on the road driving this holiday week, watch out for anybody who's NOT drinking. They cause three-fourth of all the car wrecks.

• The Weather Channel reported that Thanksgiving travel will be iffy this week after the season's first winter storm swept down from Canada and across the Midwest and Great Lakes region. It's disrupted Midwest air travel. Heavy snowstorms are reported in Chicago, delaying hundreds of murders.

• Plymouth, Massachusetts, stages the first Thanksgiving with Pilgrims and Indians. This reminds Indians that whenever you see a bunch of white people starving to death, let them. On the first Thanksgiving Day, the Indians introduced the Pilgrims to corn, squash, and slots that pay 97%.

• The Beverly Hills Hotel hosted its annual Thanksgiving Day buffet in the Polo Lounge and the menu in the lobby made me laugh out loud. It posted prices for a turkey dinner, a ham dinner and a corned beef dinner and children under 5 half-price. It made tourists think that we eat our young in L.A.

• PETA protested how turkeys are prepared for holiday slaughter Tuesday. PETA claims the birds are overweight, overfed, prone to heart attacks and too fat to breed. It appears that Ben Franklin was way ahead of his time when he proposed that the turkey be our nation's symbol instead of the eagle.

• Los Angeles Airport was the scene of record-long lines of passengers waiting to go through security for their flights the day before Thanksgiving. Last Thanksgiving, airport security asked me if I've seen anything unusual. I told them I just paid $28 for a coke and a slice of pizza, let's start with that.

• The NFL scheduled a Thanksgiving triple header with Bears-Lions then the Dallas-New York game followed by Miami and Green Bay. The NFL is the perfect sport for a voracious eating holiday. If Hannibal Lector ran the 40 yard dash in 4.2 seconds, the NFL would just say he has an eating disorder.

• Hollywood's Laugh Factory hosts a Thanksgiving feast for the homeless the club throws where everyone in comedy who can't be with family serves and gives a show. You never heard such relief laughter. For those of you who can't be with family on Thanksgiving Day, please resist the urge to brag.

• Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wished Americans a Happy Thanksgiving Tuesday. He was addressing reporters on Trump's threat to raise tariffs if they don't seal their U.S. border. From Thanksgiving to Easter there are so many Canadians in Los Angeles it hardly feels like Mexico anymore.

• President Biden performed the Thanksgiving pardoning of two turkeys in the Rose Garden on Tuesday. Coincidentally on the same day the DOJ dropped all charges against Trump. I guess if you count Trump's ability to attract black voters, Joe pardoned two Butterballs and a Jive Turkey in one day.

(COMMENT, BELOW)