Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Elon Musk in an interview Sunday half-seriously asked Donald Trump Jr. how much it’d cost for him to buy MSNBC. We all love a great con. The half-million Democrats who paid Elon $100,000 for a Tesla thinking they were saving the planet are just realizing they helped fund the Trump campaign.

• Bill Clinton has a new book about his presidency which was every comedian’s favorite time. He presided in the 90s, the wild era of Rodney King riots, the O.J. Simpson trial, and oral sex in the Oval Office. For eight rollicking years I just had to read the newspaper out loud onstage to bring down the house.

• Donald Trump made history nominating billionaire currency speculator Scott Bessent to be our first openly gay Treasury Secretary. Trump is such a showman. For maximum impact with the gay community, the nomination was announced on the same weekend as the movie release of Gladiator II.

• The State Department paid for taxpayer-funded therapy sessions for State Department workers upset by Trump’s election. Get back to work, guys. Historically, the State Department has one job to perform for the United States and that’s to settle one war in a way that inevitably leads to the next one.

• President Biden is celebrating Thanksgiving with family in Delaware this week. He’s happy to be away from the White House where tempers have been short since the election. Last week in the West Wing, Kamala asked President Biden to stop doing the Trump Dance during cabinet meetings.

• Politico reported pollsters in the 2024 presidential race ended up over-sampling Democrat voters since Trump voters wouldn’t answer the phone. The often-quoted Des Moines Register pollster Ann Selzer has decided to retire after her Iowa poll was off by 16 points. She will be replaced by an astrologer.

• The New York Times reports Progressive Democratic women are shaving their heads to protest against what they see as the triumph of white supremacy in the election of Trump. This is why the world tells jokes about Americans. Progressives are protesting white supremacy by becoming skinheads.

• Prime Minister Justin Trudeau caused a furor for dancing and singing in the crowd at a Taylor Swift concert in Toronto Friday while Montreal rioted. He’s famously clueless. While backstage at the concert Trudeau met a black guy and asked him who does his makeup, saying it’s really well done.

• Bobby Kennedy was reported Friday making plans for a complete overhaul for school lunch menus. No fructose corn syrup, chemicals, dyes or preservatives in school. Kids will only be served steak and beer the way the Lord intended so that Americans grow up strong and right about everything.

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