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• The Los Angeles Dodgers defeated the New York Yankees in Game Five to win the World Series and be crowned champions of Major League Baseball Wednesday night. The victory left everyone in L.A. with a difficult choice. Do they burn the police cars tonight or wait until Trump wins Tuesday?
• The National Safety Council advised parents to double-check their children's Halloween candy bags when they returned home from trick or treating. That night, a good friend of mine here in L.A. found two Raiders tickets in his children's sack of candy. I swear, there are some sick people out there.
• President Biden bit and nibbled on infants and placed a baby's leg in his mouth at a Halloween event. It's rumored Joe eats baby food, but I never thought it was literally Baby. On Halloween night, Hannibal Lector went trick or treating as Joe Biden just to give families a bigger scare at the front door.
• The Comedy Store's Tony Hinchcliffe caused a furor telling a Puerto Rican joke at Trump's rally after I told Tony only tell Puerto Rican jokes that Puerto Ricans will laugh at too, like this one. How many Haitians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in the light bulb.
• Donald Trump shed his suit coat and donned a garbage worker's vest in Wisconsin Wednesday in his answer to President Biden calling MAGA voters garbage. So now Trump works on a garbage truck and he works at McDonald's. The economy is so bad even seniors have to work two jobs to keep up.
• Donald Trump fielded questions from reporters from inside a trash pickup truck after Joe called his voters garbage. He held court from the garbage truck's window. Always nervous about Trump's sense of humor, his voters are just relieved he didn't invite his Puerto Rican friends to jump in the back.
• Democratic Congresswoman AOC introduced Kamala's husband Doug Emhoff at a Las Vegas rally as the model for masculinity. Doug knocked up his nanny and in 2014 he slapped his former girlfriend around in public. If this guy is the role model for masculinity, I'm Lizzo's late-night booty call.
• Kamala Harris gave a Sunday speech to a church congregation in Philadelphia last week. It's no secret that when Kamala was living in California, she once found a $100 bill on the floor of a parking garage, and she immediately asked herself what would Jesus do? So she converted it into wine.
• Business Week reports the block chain prediction market Polymarket listed the chance of Trump winning at 67%. There are reports of retail businesses making plans to board up on the night of the election if Trump wins. And plywood's so expensive these days I just saw a termite with an EBT card.
• Kamala Harris spoke to a rally of supporters and federal workers on the Ellipse Tuesday night in Washington. You could see the lit-up White House right behind the stage. During Kamala's speech, a still-angry Joe Biden came outside on the Truman Balcony and yelled at everybody to get off his lawn.
• President Biden stepped on Kamala's big speech Tuesday night by logging himself onto Zoom and referring to Trump supporters as garbage. In fairness, Joe stopped short of calling them white trash. It's apparent to all that once again, Joe Biden picked the wrong night to try to quit sniffing glue.
• Donald Trump received word of Biden's remarks Tuesday night when Senator Rubio walked up onstage and told him. The next day Trump addressed his Green Bay rally wearing an orange garbage collector's vest over a dress shirt and silk tie. It's what we call in Beverly Hills first class service.
• Donald Trump denounced President Biden for referring to his voters as garbage Wednesday. So he arrived at his Wisconsin rally in Green Bay in a garbage truck. That could help him because with the U.S. government $35 trillion in debt, Trump is actually running for Waste Management Consultant.
• Hollywood star and former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced Wednesday he is endorsing Vice President Kamala Harris. I'm not surprised. It's a fact Arnold and Kamala's husband Doug Emhoff share the same position on nannies, that is, sitting in front of a camera, giving a deposition.
• Tony Hinchcliffe's joke about Puerto Rico at Trump's New York rally prompted a brushfire of pundit protests Monday. It resulted in two demonstrators showing up at a Trump rally in Pennsylvania holding up signs expressing their outrage over a joke. Three more protestors and they can fill a Camry.
• GOP Chairman Lara Trump told Fox News she's enlisted an army of lawyers to watch the polls on Election Day and everywhere voting is already underway. Authorities in California are watching every polling station. A Los Angeles man was arrested Tuesday for producing a valid ID in order to vote.
• Scientific Reports cited climate evidence from the 13th century that explains what halted Genghis Khan's advance toward Europe. They examined tree rings in Hungary and believe they know what prevented the Mongol horde from conquering Europe. My guess is it was the hotel and restaurant prices.
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