Can't Possibly Be True | Least Competent Criminals

• An ovipositor is the organ that inserts or receives an egg (especially from parasites like bees -- and that thing in "Alien"). A spokesperson from a startup firm called Primal Hardwere (in an August interview with Vice.com) assumes a human market for ovipositors and is now selling two hollowed-tube models at $120 and $130 (along with advice on creating gelatin "eggs" for insertion). The product, acknowledged the Primal Hardwere rep (to the wary interviewer), "can be ... off-putting" to anyone who might not "fantasize about being the willing or unwilling host of alien beings inside them." [Vice.com, 8-13-2015]

• Pamela Downs, 45, was arrested in Kingsport, Tennessee, in July and charged with using a counterfeit $5 bill at a gas station (a bill that was merely two photocopied sides poorly glued together, with one side upside down). Downs explained as she was being cuffed, "(A)ll these other bitches get to print money so I can too." (She told officers later that she had read "online" that "President Obama" had "made a new law" allowing people to print money if they were on a fixed income. [Kingsport Times-News, 7-13-2015]

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