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Jewish World Review Nov. 12, 2004 / 28 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Peterson jurors no longer remember trial

Ask judge for names of defendant, victim | Hopes for an imminent verdict in the murder trial of Scott Peterson faded today as the jury relayed a message to the judge indicating that they remembered little, if anything, of what transpired during the lengthy trial.

From his courtroom in Redwood City, California, Judge Alfred Delucchi revealed that the jury had asked him the names of both the defendant and the victim in the case, suggesting that their memory of the trial was dim at best.

"What is the guy [Scott Peterson] supposed to have done again?" read the note, a passage which Judge Delucchi characterized as "astonishing."

Responding to the note, the usually reserved Delucchi appeared to be losing his patience with the jury, instructing them to "stop monkeying around" and calling them "a bunch of chowderheads."

Judge Delucchi's exasperation with the jury started building earlier this week, when the twelve jurors delivered a verdict of "guilty" for Peterson mistress Amber Frey.

After the judge reminded the jury that Ms. Frey was not on trial, they passed a note back to him declaring her "not guilty," adding, "My bad."

Late Thursday, a spokesman for Court TV expressed concern over the tangled state of the jury's deliberations, telling reporters, "We are dismayed by the possibility that they may not reach a verdict during November sweeps."

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of, most recently, "The Borowitz Report : The Big Book of Shockers" Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.


© 2004, Andy Borowitz