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Jewish World Review Nov. 26, 2003 / 1 Kislev, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Bill Clinton flew to India to sightsee at the Taj Mahal Saturday. The marble temple was built centuries ago as a monument to erotic love. All baby boomers spent last Saturday reflecting in their own way just how Jack Kennedy inspired them.

Michael Jackson returned to Las Vegas after he was released on bail in Santa Barbara. There was some haggling. At first Michael Jackson would only agree to surrender to Santa Barbara sheriffs if they promised to book him into juvenile hall.

The Cat in the Hat starring Mike Myers was number one at the box office last weekend. In the film the comedian wears a head-to- toe costume making him look like a big white cat. No Las Vegas magicians were harmed in the making of this movie.

Michigan Democrats have decided to allow Internet voting in their February 7th presidential caucus. Democrats will be able to cast their ballots on their home computers. Don't be surprised if Howard Dean's positions lose out to Paris Hilton's.

The Energy Bill stalled in the Senate as trial lawyers lobbied for the right to sue chemical companies. The trial lawyers association president was seen going office to office with his nose bandaged. Apparently an ambulance stopped too quickly.

Turkey ordered all mosques in the country Sunday to deliver an anti-terrorism sermon from the pulpit. Everyone's concerned about the recent escalation. Osama bin Laden just released a new audio warning al-Qaeda that he's not made out of money.

Massachusetts voters favor legalizing gay marriage by a big margin, according to a poll released Sunday. There's a clear message in the poll. It's the earliest indication that the people of Massachusetts are bored with the Kennedys.

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