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Jewish World Review Nov. 17, 2003 / 22 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

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Consumer Reports

Schwarzenegger postpones inauguration to fine-tune special effects

Bustamante robot malfunctions | The inauguration of California's new governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, has been put on hold "indefinitely" due to problems with the ceremony's elaborate special effects, Mr. Schwarzenegger confirmed today.

"I promised the people of California an inauguration that would make their eyes pop out," the Governor-elect said Sunday evening. "While I regret this delay, let me promise you: I'll be back."

Across the state, Mr. Schwarzenegger was commended for his candor, as well as for pronouncing "inauguration" correctly.

The decision to postpone the special-effects-laden ceremony, budgeted at $174 million, was made after a weekend test screening in the suburb of San Dimas which an aide to Mr. Schwarzenegger described as nothing short of disastrous.

"These were the lowest scores for a screening Arnold has seen since he made that turkey where he was pregnant," the aide said.

The early scenes of the inauguration, showing Mr. Schwarzenegger driving a large construction vehicle at high speeds through the streets of Sacramento and smashing several storefronts along the way, drew high scores from the multiplex crowd.

But the swearing-in scene itself, in which Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamante's head explodes and reveals him to be an evil robot, drew jeers from the San Diamas crowd.

"When that fat guy blew up, it was real corny-like," said attendee Gunnar Johnson, 16.

The postponement will enable Mr. Schwarzenegger's team to replace the Bustamante robot with a more realistic model, aides said, and to remove Mr. Schwarzenegger's pledge to "reach out to every person in California," which several women in the audience found "frightening."

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Andy Borowitz Archives

JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison and "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.



© 2003, Andy Borowitz