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Jewish World Review Nov. 6, 2002 / 1 Kislev, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | California Democrats flooded home phones Monday night with telephone pitches from Governor Gray Davis' organization. These people are clever. To fool everyone who has Caller ID into answering the phone, the organization's name is Unclaimed Money.

Campaign 2002 wound up Tuesday with thrilling Senate races. The surprise of the year was the resurrection of Walter Mondale and Frank Lautenberg. Depending on the residency requirements, Ted Williams could be the next U.S. Senator from Alaska.

China was the site of a balloon competition that nearly ended in a televised tragedy Monday. A hot-air balloon went as high as it could go and exploded into a gigantic fireball. It may have been the least gracious concession speech all week.

Walter Mondale debated Norm Coleman in Minnesota on Monday. They're from two different eras. Norm Coleman favored extending the Bush tax cuts, and Walter Mondale argued passionately against the extension of slavery into Kansas-Nebraska Territory.

Bill Clinton campaigned with Florida candidate for governor Bill McBride in Palm Beach Saturday.

He would like to be personally responsible for Jeb Bush's loss. He's working on his Bush family chess set and he still only has the one piece.

Laura Bush campaigned in Iowa, Texas and Arkansas Monday where every audience she met wished her a happy 56th birthday. She was furious. She's demanding to know why her age is only thing all week that anyone's been able to count accurately.

Al-Qaeda leaders were killed in Yemen on Monday when their car was struck by a missile fired from an unmanned CIA aircraft. It was a reminder to our enemies. The U.S. may not be any good at hide-and-seek but our Nintendo skills are outstanding.

Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai fired several dozen government officials on Monday. He accused them of corruption and fraternization with the enemy. If convicted, they could each get ten years on the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Al Gore will host NBC's Saturday Night Live December 14th in New York. We know what's going to happen. Halfway through the opening monologue, Ralph Nader is going to walk into the studio and convince a third of the audience to leave with him.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton