Jewish World Review Nov. 27, 2001 / 12 Kislev, 5762

John Ziegler

John Ziegler
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Consumer Reports

What if Then Was Now? -- OUR nation's current war on terrorism has been called by one television network "America's New War." It is taking place in a very different era of news media coverage than any other military conflict in history and in a unique climate of political correctness. It seems that, due to these unprecedented conditions, the rules of engagement have been altered dramatically. With that in mind, it may be interesting to consider how some of our most famous war-related headlines might have been considerably altered had the events occurred in the present day.

  • Pressured by Religious Groups, General Washington Calls Off Surprise Christmas Morning Attack on Hessians at Trenton.

    "I guess we'll just have to wait until the end of Advent," declares fledgling nation's future father as he vows to overcome loss of potential war-altering victory.

  • Texans Fight Fruitless Battle to the Death at The Alamo.

    Lack of willingness to negotiate with Mexicans thought to disgrace fallen leaders' legacy.

  • Union Intelligence Agents No Longer Allowed to "Profile" Possible Confederate Sympathizers.

    Drawl, displaying of "stars and bars," and love of grits taken off list of possible indications of potential danger.

  • Suspected Flu Bug at "Pony Express" Hinders War Communication and Transportation in North.

    Panicked Union citizens wonder if their own horses are infected. Is the South the source or does the deadly scourge come from a "lone nut" from New Jersey?

  • Lincoln Resigns Amid Criticism of Sherman's Brutal March Through South.

    In effort to appear "non-partisan," North cedes control of Union to southern states. Jefferson Davis promises "kindler, gentler" administration as he is inaugurated new President.

  • Custer's Loss at Little Big Horn Praised by Civil Rights Groups.

    While sacrifice is large, helping cause of "Native Americans" viewed as worth the cost to evil "white man."

  • Hitler Calls For All German Children to Send One Mark Each to Children of Poland.

    British PM Chamberlain praises humanitarian move as further evidence that the German leader can be trusted.

  • In Response to Concerns of Environmentalists, Churchill Retracts "Fight Them on the Beaches" Promise.

    Prime Minister apologizes for threatening valuable shoreline, but maintains, "we will probably never surrender."

  • U.S. Enters War After Attack on Pearl Harbor with Condition that Conflict Not be Called "World War II."

    Fears that South America and Antarctica will feel left out are cited for unusual demand.

  • Eleanor Roosevelt Addresses American Women to Strengthen Support for War.

    First Lady says Germans not only committing genocide, but are also rude to their wives.

  • President Roosevelt to Update Nation on War Effort Through Radio "Fire Side Chats."

    Some networks elect to carry "Green Hornet" and "Lone Ranger" instead.

  • "Rosie the Riveter" Public Relations Campaign Cancelled.

    Feminist groups claim home front war effort character is sexist and demeaning to women.

  • "Doolittle Raid" on Tokyo a Complete Failure.

    Civilian causalities in Japan overshadow heroic American effort to avenge "incident" at Pearl Harbor.

  • Exclusive: Invasion Of Normandy to Begin Next Week.

    So called "D-day" was to be a secret attack. Loss of surprise element seen as major setback; could cause thousands of extra causalities.

  • Hitler Dead.

    But what took so long and what do we do now?

  • U.S. Drops Atomic Bomb on Japan to End War.

    Military forced to apologize for "anti-Jap" slur printed on weapon.

  • President Kennedy and Advisors Narrowly Avert World War with Successful Blockade of Cuba.

    Triumphant U.S. decisions are blasted by civil-rights leaders for being made by all white-male cabinet.

  • President Reagan Plans Two-Month Coalition- Building Effort Before Invasion of Grenada.

    Winning support of several deserted islands in Caribbean seen as critical.

  • Third Day of Ground War in Iraq Yields Further Successes.

    Critics begin to openly question if the U.S. will ever finally prevail in seemingly endless conflict.

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11/21/01:I Swear It ain't me   —   I Think
11/13/01: Racial baiting and bias hasn't changed a bit
11/09/01: TV networks show their true colors
10/30/01: Proposed programming for the "Fear Channel"
10/30/01: The Tide is Turning
10/22/01: Narcissism is at the heart of Anthrax overreaction
10/16/01: Let's not overestimate these terrorists
10/08/01: Despite what the media says, ethnic profiling is worth it
10/05/01:What if Osama just gave himself up?
09/24/01: Lessons learned --- or, ones that should be
09/17/01: The silver lining in our darkest cloud
09/04/01: "BREAKING NEWS" Not What It Used To Be
08/27/01: Some guys have it --- and some just don't
08/20/01:"Hollywood in Crisis" --- Please no Sequel!
08/13/0: Misplaced media fan-aticism about football tragedies
The Rules of the 'N-Word'


© 2001, John Ziegler