Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The New York Post reports the number of diagnoses of schoolchildren with Attention Deficit Disorder is steeply on the rise this fall, raising questions about whether it's being over-diagnosed. If a kid has ADD it means he can't focus very well in class. It predominantly affects children with insurance.

• The L.A. Dodgers sponsored a banquet Thursday that honored trans-gender female champion swimmer Lia Thomas. The team revels in its place in history. I appreciate the Dodgers commitment to Pride issues, but Lia Thomas should not be introduced as the Jackie Robinson of the Women's Shower.

• President Trump ordered the National Guard to Portland to halt anti-ICE street rioting as well as to Chicago to protect ICE agents, both orders currently blocked by federal judges. Minneapolis poses an even bigger crisis. Right now in Minnesota, Somali pirates control of 3,500 of the 10,000 Lakes.

• No Kings Parades were held nationwide Saturday against Trump and Republican policies. I don't understand what these angry people have against Royalists. My line of Hamiltons fought for King Charles I, King George III and King Cotton, and we've been losing to Republicans for 375 years.

• Secretary of State Rubio will meet this week with Russia's Foreign Minister Lavrov in pursuit of a peace deal. It seems every day, it's two steps forward and one step back. A federal judge in Michigan just blocked Trump's peace deal and ordered the hostages to be returned to Hamas.

• President Zelensky was scheduled to meet President Trump at the White House Friday. What the Ukraine president wants from the US is no secret. I had no idea that Zelensky was an Atlanta Braves fans until I saw him outside Trump's bedroom window that morning doing the Tomahawk Chop.

• President Trump said he will fly to Hungary to meet with Vladimir Putin and try to negotiate an end to the Ukraine war. Trump and Putin previously met in Helsinki, Germany, Japan, Vietnam, and Alaska. Whenever the customs agent asks Putin for his occupation, he says no, just visiting this time.

• The CIA was ordered by Trump to initiate action on land in Venezuela and to foment a regime change and force the overthrow of President Madura. Critics warn that Venezuela could become another Vietnam, which is ridiculous. For one thing we're never going to get the Vietnamese to show up.

• The US Senate voted a 10th time and failed Thursday in an effort to reach the sixty votes needed to pass the continuing budget resolution and re-open the federal government. The layoffs are affecting many of the senatorial functions. On Thursday the US government shut down Mitch McConnell's legs.

• John Bolton, who wrongly claimed in 2003 that Saddam Hussein had WMDs and urged Bush to invade Iraq and overthrow him, was indicted Thursday for mishandling classified information. When US soldiers stormed into Saddam's bedroom they found 12 cases of Scotch, a lamp shaped like a naked lady and his WMDs turned out to be a box of condoms that glow in the dark. We overthrew Dean Martin.

• Alec Baldwin blamed crashing his Range Rover into a tree on a garbage truck he'd swerved to avoid. I've been there myself. One night during my drinking days, I swerved suddenly and crashed my car to avoid hitting a tree, and it turned out to be the air freshener hanging from my rear view mirror.

• The Sunshine Savings Act remains stuck in Congress after passage in the Senate that would make Daylight Savings year-round. In two weeks, we'll all be turning our clocks back an hour, as if that's good news. Receiving an extra hour in 2025 is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono CD.

• Andrew Dice Clay made a triumphant return to the Comedy Store Saturday night in the Main Room, where women fans still screamed like teenagers for him like he was Elvis.; It reminded me how comedians love to flaunt our sex appeal onstage I make my female fans feel like they're 80 again.

• The L.A. County Board of Supervisors voted free rent money to anyone of L.A.'s 4.75 million Hispanics who can't go to work for fear of being captured by ICE while at work. The city is seething alright. On Tuesday when Guatemala played El Salvador to qualify for the World Cup, L.A. teetered on the brink of civil war.

• Mel Gibson began filming the Passion of the Christ sequel and caught wokester outrage for casting a Nordic actor not a Middle Easterner as Jesus. It's a toss-up. Jesus' mom was Mary, who was Hebrew so he may have been dark-complexioned but his dad was G od, who is English, so it's 50-50.

• President Trump said he may meet with North Korea's Kim Jung Un during the APEC meeting in South Korea. A CIA report says Kim enjoys Cognac, snorts cocaine and sleeps with his teenage girl pleasure squad. I can't think of a leader with less reason to risk a nuclear war with the United States.

• President Trump authorized the CIA to take action on land in South America against cartels, saying no cocaine boats have approached the US since a US Navy missile attack destroyed four of them. America is now officially in a war with South American cartels. Jane Fonda just flew to Colombia.

• President Trump announced Wednesday that his next target city for illegal criminal round-ups and homeless camp clearances will be San Francisco. It's a city that cries out for discipline. The sign at the Golden Gate Bridge reads Now Entering San Francisco—Chains Required—Whips Optional.

• Gavin Newsom infuriated Progressives by vetoing a bill to grant college admission preferences to descendants of slaves. Gavin is for states' rights, opposes tariffs and permits Cal State dorms to be self-segregated. Gavin proves that 40 years ago, the Peace Corps sent California college kids to Alabama.

• President Trump complained that Time editors put the worst profile photo of him possible on this week's cover. He'll never get credit from the progressive left. The Nobel Committee just met for one last time and awarded next year's Nobel Peace Prize to Greta Thunberg for ending the war in Gaza.

• Politico reported widespread racist language on group chats held by Young Republican group chats. A group chat can feel like prison. The best thing to do when you're stuck in a group chat is to throw your phone in the street, run over it in your car, start a new life, and maybe go get some Popeye's.

• The National Retail Federation said Americans will spend $13 billion on Halloween costumes, candy and decorations. What scares people evolves over the years. Last year at the Halloween Parade in West Hollywood, the guy who won for Scariest Costume came dressed as a cell phone with 2% power.

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