Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Trump proudly posted video Saturday of the US Coast guard firing a missile and destroying another speedboat in the Caribbean. He's destroyed 4 boats full of tons of cocaine in four weeks. Don't miss Disney Studio's underwater adventure movie next summer called Finding Kilo.

• President Trump expressed he was open to invoking the Insurrection Act of 1807 in order to send troops legally to crime-ridden cities. What a coincidence. Rosie O'Donnell applied for Irish citizenship the same day and prompted fears that she may cause a repeat of the Potato Famine of 1807.

• Cairo is hosting a meet between Hamas and Israel to try to end the war based on President Trump's 20-point Peace Plan. Hamas began by calling Netanyahu a global terrorist. It's odd Hamas would confer their highest honor on a Jew, but everyone's trying to win the Nobel Peace Prize this week.

• The White House sent negotiators to Cairo to try to bring Israel and Hamas to a peaceful end of the Mideast war. Human rights is an issue. Hamas said they are no longer throwing members of the LGBTQ community off tall buildings in Gaza City, explaining they no longer have any tall buildings left.

• The Washington Post reported little hope of compromise in the Senate over the US government shutdown Tuesday as the budget stalemate reached its 6th day. The furloughs are starting to add up. If the shutdown continues into the next week, Pfizer may have to lay off up to 300 Members of Congress.

• Politico reported that Democrats plan to run in 2028 on the high cost of health care treatment in the US. There are low cost medical solutions out there but you have to look for them. I wonder if all the people in Hollywood who pay $300 for a colon cleanse have heard about Taco Bell's new $5 deal.

• Senate Democrats scheduled a retreat for their members this coming weekend at a Napa Valley five-star resort in California's Wine Country. It's a break I'm sure they'll enjoy. A lifeguard will beat the hotel pool to remind the senators to always let the wine breathe before you give it mouth-to-mouth.

•The Riyadh Comedy Festival this past week hosted fifty US comedians who took million dollar paydays from Saudis. For the money they agreed not to joke about religion, politics or about the Saudi ruling family. I was so inspired by their courage I've agreed to perform this weekend for Kim Jung Un.

• Louis CK returned to TV on Real Time with Bill Maher Friday 8 years after he was canceled by Me-Too for sexual misconduct. For women, having sex with a comedian can be a real problem. Who else wants applause afterwards and if he doesn't get it, blames it on the guy who was on before him.

•The Santa Barbara Independent newspaper reported Sunday that ICE federal agents have moved into the Santa Barbara area, making arrests and serving deportation orders. Locals have had it with the help. Meghan Markle just did a Netflix special about the time Chipotle got her order wrong.

•The New York Post reports a new strain of Covid-19 known as the Stratus Virus is sweeping the country just in time for the annual respiratory illness season. The public is swiftly and responsibly immunizing. Yesterday in downtown Los Angeles I saw a guy vaccinating himself behind the bus station.

• Greta Thunberg's flotilla arrived in Turkey Saturday after Israeli authorities turned her back from landing in Gaza. She was briefly detained at the dock by the Israelis. Greta is on a personal invasion to bring life-saving aid to the people of Gaza so they might die from climate change in six years.

•The White House is sending 300 Illinois National Guard troops to Chicago Saturday to help police restore order. The shooting victims are piling up. One kid with only a driver learner's permit assured a cop who pulled him over he wasn't driving alone so he opened the trunk so the cop could see for himself.

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