Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Ryder Cup 2-time captain Tom Watson apologized to Team Europe for the misbehavior of the New York gallery. They showed no manners, chanting obscenities and even threw beer at Rory McElroy's wife. New York fans are the kind of guys who throw a bouquet to the mourners at a funeral to see who's next.

• Congress faced a midnight deadline before a government shutdown Tuesday after Democrats and Republicans deadlocked over the temporary spending bill. The possibility of shutdown confused all the hookers working around Capitol Hill. They don't know if they have to go to work tomorrow either.

• President Trump warned Democrats Tuesday that a government shutdown will allow him to eliminate many services and furlough non-essential workers without pay. The last shutdown furlough tore apart families in Washington, DC. That was when the lions escaped their cages at the National Zoo.

• The White House offered a 21-point Gaza peace plan to Hamas to try to settle once and for all the Israeli-Palestinian strife. The president said his Gaza plan could provide the greatest moment in world history. Clearly he's never had 2 Snickers bars fall down at the same time in the vending machine.

• CNN reports that the Senate Democrats have scheduled a planning retreat at a five-star resort in Napa, drawing a lot of fire in Washington, DC, for going to wine country in the midst of a shutdown. Some people don't know anything about California. Sonoma is Wine Country, and NAPA is Auto Parts.

• President Trump announced he's sending US troops to Portland in order to protect ICE agents from violent attacks by radical street protestors. There were other alternatives to keeping the peace. What Trump failed to consider before sending in the troops is that Tonya Harding still lives in Portland.

• The New York Post reports a woman driver in Massachusetts jumped out of her car on a lake road to scream at an ICE agent, not noticing that her car was rolling into the lake. The video of the submerged car is hilarious. Seeing it was in Massachusetts I'm just glad that a Kennedy wasn't involved.

• NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said London now has the NFL fan base to become the first overseas NFL franchise soon. Not everyone there reacts happily about England's NFL fan base. Local residents complain there are so many American are living in London it hardly feels like Pakistan anymore.

• Newsweek reported conservatives worry that British speech restrictions online and in the public square could have a chilling effect on free speech in the US. Do you think I'm scared of these woke speech referees at my age? Just try and tell me what I can and cannot say in a country that I colonized.

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