Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Rory McElroy urged Ryder Cup fans to support the US team and not heckle or threaten Team Europe after cops were called in to protect the team on the course. The mob anger reflects where we are today. The Museum of Tolerance just changed its name to What the Hell Did You Just Call Me?

• The Riyadh Comedy Festival paid top US comics huge money to perform in Saudi Arabia this week. Our culture doesn't work there. The Saudi version of the TV show The Bachelor was a failure because ten minutes into the first show, the Bachelor said I'll take them all, and that ended the series.

• Puerto Rican rap star Bad Bunny was selected Monday to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show in San Francisco. For 20 minutes football fans will be entertained by a cross-dresser who can't speak English. It could be worse, in the previous administration he'd have been a cabinet member.

• President Trump aired a video to show off 24 karat gold which he's splashed all over the Oval Office. It includes gold medallions, gold sashes, gold doilies and gold portrait frames. Trump came to town with three goals in mind, to seal the border, cut taxes and run William Devane out of business.

• Vice President JD Vance lashed out at Democrats following violence against ICE agents and accused them of encouraging crazy people to act out against law enforcement. JD may not have been thinking when he told Gavin Newsom to go straight to Hell. To be fair, Gavin already lives in California.

• Bobby Kennedy's claims about Tylenol were dismissed by the drug manufacturer Friday. I'm just glad that the pain medication is easily accessible. Think of all the headaches on Capitol Hill today if congressmen couldn't take Tylenol because Johnson & Johnson had made the caps idiot-proof.

• Congress may force a US government shutdown today that Democrats haven't thought all the way through. Some non-essential agencies that shut down may get axed because Republicans didn't want to fund them anyway. The National Aquarium is slated to be re-located to the nearest Red Lobster.

• Serena Williams posted a video of her objecting to a cotton plant in a New York hotel lobby saying it reminded her of the slave era. I hope no one reminded Serena the stretch fabric of the outfit she was wearing is made out of oil. She might think Polyester refers to the two women who made the clothes.

• A Mormon church shooting occurred in Michigan on Sunday. Outsiders are the problem. My Episcopal church in Beverly Hills just installed a button at the pulpit that the minister can push for police help in case somebody in the sanctuary raises their arms during a hymn.

• President Trump unveiled a framed picture gallery of every US president along the wall of the White House Colonnade. It's for all the tour groups to enjoy seeing. Every president is pictured but Biden, who's represented by a picture of an Auto Pen, and Bill Clinton who's represented by a cigar.

• President Trump announced he's sending US troops to Portland to protect ICE headquarters from violence by Portland mobs that are protesting ICE raids. They're raiding West Hollywood, too. ICE raided the car wash today while I was paying and, long story short, I just got a new job as a cashier.

• Illinois Governor JB Pritzker asked the War Department for 100 combat troops to help keep order in Chicago, to help protect the National Guard arriving in the city. Chicago is an exciting place that lives up to its reputation. It's called the Windy City because of all the bullets whizzing past your ear.

• President Trump presented a 21-point peace proposal to Hamas intended to end the long war between Palestinians and Israel. If accepted it will cinch the Nobel Peace Prize for Trump. Hours later, a San Francisco federal judge overruled Trump's proposal and ordered both sides to keep fighting.

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