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• Donald Trump declared every state is a border state after 20 million have crossed illegally under Biden's lax border policy. I don't understand why the illegal migrants aren't all coming to California. They've all seen the news stories from Los Angeles where everything is free if you can run fast enough.
• Rap mogul Sean Combs's lawyer petitioned Wednesday to be allowed to post bail and leave jail as he awaits trial for sex trafficking and racketeering. Over the last years Sean Combs has gone by different names, including Puff Daddy, Sean John, Puffy, P. Diddy and Diddy. And now he's 37452054.
• Newsweek posted a 2020 speech by Mark Cuban in which the Dallas Mavericks owner criticized Elon Musk's using his own AI as an example of white privilege. I find it conferred by others rather than claimed. Hell, I'm so white that when I walk down the street tiny little alligators jump onto my shirt.
• The White House approved a request from the North Carolina governor last week for the federal government to cover 100% of all debris removal and emergency costs from Hurricane Helene. Ten days ago, Joe Biden toured the hurricane-ravaged area of North Carolina. The cadaver dogs wouldn't leave him alone.
• Donald Trump promised the Detroit Economic Club to raise tariffs on foreign-made cars and make interest on car loans tax deductible. He waxed nostalgic about his first car, a 1965 GTO, a car that could achieve speeds up to 160 mph that his mother bought him. It was the first attempt to kill him.
• Kamala got into a skirmish with Ron DeSantis while President Biden was praising the Florida governor Tuesday. Nobody expects a president and vice president to always be on the same page. For instance, Kamala loves a bag of Doritos, while Joe recently got into an argument with a bag of Doritos.
• The New York Times saw the polls and issued a list of things Kamala must do to turn her campaign around. It sounded preachy. I can understand the New York Times urging Kamala to do more interviews and town halls, but suggesting she quit drinking would leave Wine Country without their head cheerleader.
• NBC News reported Los Angeles police are routing Mexican gang crimes to federal prosecutors in order to get harsher penalties for them. The latest poll shows many people are concerned about all the drugs, violence and unstable government south of the border. These people are known as Canadians.
• The Justice Department fined TD Bank, based in Toronto with many U.S. branches, $3 billion for letting Mexican drug gangs launder $670 million in cocaine and fentanyl cash through TD bank the last four years. It may get worse now. The Cayman Islands just sued Toronto for cultural appropriation.
• The State Department expressed worry that Israeli missile attacks on Iran in response to Iran's missile attacks on Israel may lead to a wider war. What do we expect Israel to do? President Biden treats Israelis like the girlfriend you can no longer trust because she runs away every time you untie her.
• NPR noted that it's possible that illegal migrant groups could vote Republican in the upcoming election. Vietnamese refugees living in Iowa told reporters they've changed their surnames from Tran to Trump in honor of the King. I tell you, foreigners see the U.S. presidency a lot more clearly than we do.
• Taylor Swift promoted the Vegan lifestyle Friday, releasing her list of the best meatless dishes at her favorite restaurants in New York and Los Angeles. It so happens last year I went to a Vegan Halloween party where everyone was dressed as skeletons. Come to think of it, it wasn't even Halloween.
• The Detroit Daily News reported a McDonald's customer flew into a rage when he discovered his order of French fries wasn't in his bag so he shot and wounded the drive-thru employee. The DA is considering charging the arrested shooter with attempted manslaughter. To be fair, they forgot his fries.
• The New York Post reported that the Homeland Security Department inspector general issued a report on the number of migrant children smuggled or sex trafficked across the border. The report said the Biden Administration has lost track of 320,000 kids. Have they tried looking in Diddy's garage?
• The FBI set up a hotline for women abused by P.Diddy at his house parties to get witnesses. He's not the first musician whose sex life crossed the line legally. Jerry Lee Lewis's marriage in 1958 to his 13-year-old cousin destroyed his career in rock ‘n roll, but it made him a country music superstar.
• Kamala Harris made an appearance on Colbert's CBS Late Show Tuesday. They came up with the bright idea of Kamala drinking a Miller beer with Colbert on the show to try to appeal to male voters. The beer company is scrambling to hire Dylan Mulvaney as a spokesperson to do damage control.
• Donald Trump will host a campaign rally in California on Saturday in Palm Springs. The area is a 22-mile -long retirement paradise for millionaires. If they're going to hold a rally in Palm Springs, the Secret Service should be on the lookout for any crank who might take a golf shot at Trump.
• Hurricane Milton prompted Trump to put up 275 power linemen for free at his Doral resort. They have the world's most secure job. Clerks want to be store owners, salesmen want to be CEOs, actors want to be directors, senators want to be the President, but nobody wants to screw around with electricity.
• Governor Ron DeSantis was widely praised for hurricane preparations this week. He recently signed a bill allowing gun owners to carry concealed weapons during a state of emergency. A state of emergency in Florida includes hurricanes, tornadoes, approaching tidal waves and living in Florida.
• Hurricane Milton arrived Wednesday two weeks after Hurricane Helene and strained recovery resources to the breaking point. Mercifully, hurricane season is almost over. FEMA admitted Wednesday they don't have the manpower to block recovery aid if another Category 5 hits the Red States.
• Fox News aired many videos of heroic rescues by citizens in Western North Carolina last week by motorboat, jet skis and jumbo tractors. And it was days before FEMA got there. Remember that in any emergency situation, especially a natural disaster, one Redneck friend is worth a thousand PhDs.
• PBS reports an alarming drop in Arts and Science majors in American colleges. That degree taught me how to think. I learned that knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is knowing never to put it in a fruit salad, while philosophy is wondering if a Bloody Mary is a smoothie.
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