Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Justice Department arrested an Afghan in Oklahoma for buying automatic weapons with which to stage an ISIS-sponsored terror attack on the U.S. on Election Day. To help raise funds to finance their terrorist operations, ISIS is now marketing their own anti-dandruff shampoo. It's called Shoulders.

• Donald Trump in his speech Saturday vowed to root out and deport illegal alien criminals and end the sanctuary status of U.S. cities. This country is changing faster than I prefer. Last night in Los Angeles, I went to the grocery store for apple pie and hot dogs and they were in the Ethnic Foods aisle.

• President Biden said Governor DeSantis is doing a great job preparing for Hurricane Milton in contrast to Kamala's criticism. Kamala has been trying to distance herself from Biden, but Friday Joe told Americans she was there with him for every administration decision. This is also how bullfights end.

• Daily Variety says the Hollywood film and TV industry is panicked by job losses. Blame falls on post-strike movie delays, studio consolidation, and TV network ratings slashed by viewers going to the streaming services. The economy is so bad Tom Selleck just got turned down for a reverse mortgage.

• The National League playoffs this week featured epic games between the Dodgers and the Padres and the Phillies and the Mets. Philadelphia fans are rated the harshest fans in all sports. To pass the time between football and baseball season, Philadelphia fans go to the airport and boo the safe landings.

• NBC Saturday Night Live premiered its 50th season last week and aired clips from the very first show. That opening night lineup of Richard Pryor, Chevy Chase and John Belushi symbolized the crazy late '70s in New York and L.A. Some of the best times of my life occurred right before the cops showed up.

• Apple attributed the slow sales of iPhone 16 to the upgraded video and Siri features not being downloadable yet. Saturday marked the 13th anniversary of the death of Apple's founder Steve Jobs. Every year since then the Apple designers dig up Jobs and re-bury him in a thinner, lighter casket.

• Governor Ron DeSantis praised President Biden for his offer of any and all federal help Monday as Hurricane Milton approached Florida. To supervise hurricane relief efforts, Joe canceled a trip to Germany. It's the place to be whenever Iran and Israel are celebrating Wernher von Braun's Birthday.

• Melania Trump spoke to Fox and Friends and plugged her memoir Melania. It reveals the day she met Trump at Fashion Week in 1998, he had a date but he hit on her and got her phone number without his date even noticing. So he was dodging bullets long before he posed a threat to the Deep State.

• Kamala Harris went on Howard Stern's Sirius radio show Tuesday where she slammed Donald Trump for providing Covid testing kits to Russia during the 2020 pandemic. The detection kits were just part one of a clever plot. Our plan was to suck up all of Russia's oil revenue with vaccine expenses.

• Lamb Weston, the largest supplier of French fries in America, closed its largest plant Tuesday citing the crash in the restaurant business. A survey says 80% of Americans consider dining at a fast food restaurant a luxury. Today at noon I was the only customer at Kentucky Fried Pheasant in Beverly Hills.

• The Casper Star-Tribune says the Elk Fire in Wyoming is still burning out of control in the old Sioux country of the Bighorn Valley after two weeks, setting wildlife to flight. This is all happening in Wyoming for a reason. High taxes and burdensome regulations forced the wildfires to flee California.

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