Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• James Comey was indicted by a federal grand jury in Virginia Thursday climaxing nine years of partisan strife and personal subterfuge swirling around the former FBI Director. James Comey was indicted for misleading the American people. Disney promptly suspended him indefinitely from ABC.

• The Ryder Cup final rounds are today on NBC pitting the US vs. Europe under heavy security with President Trump there. The Secret Service is jittery. Last year Trump could have been killed on his golf course in Florida when Tiger Woods offered to give him a ride in his golf cart to the 17th tee.

• NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell spoke Thursday about the possibility of expanding the NFL overseas and said London now has the fan base. They play by the old rules in Britain. If any NFL player breaks the law in England, in the next game he'll find himself playing Australian Rules Football.

• The Minnesota Vikings will play today's game in Ireland then stay over for next week's game where the Vikings play in England. It'll be like old times. Last month I canceled my Viking River Cruise to Europe because they refused to allow me to loot and burn all the monasteries along the way.

• FBI ex-Director Jim Comey was indicted by a grand jury Thursday. Hillary accused Comey of costing her the 2016 election and Trump hates him for ruining his first term. If this source of this indictment were an Agatha Christie murder mystery, the detective could safely conclude everybody did it.

• President Trump urged liberals to stop calling political opponents Hitler Tuesday, warning that eventually the conservative reaction won't be pretty. This much I know. Back in the 1920s and 30s, liberals in Germany listened to what Hitler had to say and called him Hitler, and that did NOT end well.

• The White House blamed the recent shootings at ICE leaders, conservative advocates, and the president himself on violent rhetoric and name calling by the Radical left on social media and TV. The labels they're throwing around aren't accurate. Elon Musk is NOT a Nazi he's a Tylenol-American.

• Bobby Kennedy warned pregnant mothers not to take Tylenol because it could result in autism in their newborn babies. Not all the medical experts agree. All I know from my own experience is that Tylenol does NOT cause autism, and I've said it over and over and over and over and over and over.

• The New York Post said a government shutdown looms Wednesday with little chance of Congress agreeing on a budget extension. Don't give up. With the cover-up of Epstein's death and the list still not being released, it's proved that Democrats and Republicans can truly work together when they want.

• The New York Post reported a poll that shows that Americans are evenly and bitterly split over culture and politics. It's a dilemma for comedians. I want my name on the Comedy Store marquee to attract a sold-out audience tonight, but I don't know whether to change my name to Charlie or Jimmy.

• Turning Point held a campus event at the University of West Virginia Thursday and attracted thousands of kids. Political martyrs can spark the imaginations of young people. The first girl I ever kissed in high school was nicknamed Abe Lincoln, because all the guys took a shot at her in the balcony.

• Russia sent warplanes over Alaska Thursday that were turned back by U.S. fighter jets in angry response to Donald Trump urging an oil boycott of Russia to destroy their economy, risking World War III. I'm not advocating drug use, but Baby Boomers know something from 1962 young people don't know. It's the endorphin rush you get when you wake up alive after playing nuclear chicken with Russia.

• Jimmy Kimmel returned Tuesday after his one-week suspension. He opened saying he did not mean to single out a group for inciting the Utah shooter when he singled out MAGA Republicans for inciting the Utah shooter. America is still mourning the loss of jokes in late-night talk show monologues.

• The Quinnipiac Poll out Tuesday shows 80% of Americans think the US is in crisis. So don't take Tylenol if you're pregnant if you love peace and quiet. Mary Ann Trump took Tylenol while she was pregnant with Donald and now we're just hoping we can get the Super Bowl in before the Civil War.

• President Trump and Bobby Kennedy told pregnant women Tuesday that taking Tylenol might cause autism in their baby. The autism scare really backfired. The next day, pregnant women were all over TikTok taking Tylenol on camera to try to make sure that their child grows up to be as rich as Elon.

• President Trump in his speech to the United Nations General Assembly Tuesday slammed the UN for the plaza escalator that stalled while Trump was on it. The president's security in the UN building was sloppy. Heads should roll at the Secret Service for not wrestling the escalator to the ground.

• President Macron called Trump whose limo was blocking his in New York and asked for America's help pulling out of the UN parking lot Tuesday, just like when France pulled out of Vietnam, Haiti and Syria. We fall for it every time. I used to thank France for our independence, now I blame them for it.

• The Federal Reserve reduced the prime interest rate by just a quarter percent Thursday citing their determination to keep a tight lid on inflation. It's really annoying. Here in LA, I'm confused about how Forest Lawn Cemetery just raised their funeral prices and blamed it on the high cost of living.

• Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett Tuesday likened the high regard of social conservatives for the late Charlie Kirk to the veneration of Confederate statues. I've heard through the Hollywood grapevine that Jasmine is going to team with Rosie O'Donnell in a new show called Crockett and Tubbs.

• Bill Clinton hosted luminaries at his Clinton Global Initiative forum at the UN on Tuesday and enjoyed the spotlight. The Navy reported construction on the USS Bill Clinton aircraft carrier begins in 2030. You'd think that something that big and full of seamen would be christened the USS Lewinsky.

• Gavin Newsom went on Colbert Tuesday and slammed ICE raids as totalitarian. You can't deny his partisan zeal. During the raging wildfires in the Pacific Palisades last January, Governor Newsom rushed into a burning home and warned the residents that Trump is a threat to our democracy.

• Kamala Harris reportedly has infuriated the Biden camp with her disparaging assessment of Joe in her campaign memoir 107 Days. The backlash to her could get nasty when Joe re-enters the public forum. Check the calendar and you will see we've just entered Joe Biden's signature season, Fall.

• President Trump unveiled the Presidential Walk of Fame along the White House Colonnade wall Tuesday with every president pictured, except Biden's is a picture of an autopen. To me it shows Trump has a kind nature. If Trump were as mean as a comedian, he'd have put up Jill's picture.

• CNN says the attacks on ICE have conservative pundits angry and a little nervous. They have to tread carefully. If you say you're a supporter of ICE, that can get you on Fox News, but if you're grammatically correct and you say you're a supporter of ICE's, it can get you 20 years at Guantanamo.

• Journal Nature says creating AI virtual spouses can create a moral distance between people and their actions. It found AI lovers can induce you to cheat, drink, gamble, drug or act out in lust without leaving your laptop. As this spreads, Hunter Biden will be recognized as the Father of Our AI.

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