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• President Trump cited America's common heritage and kinship to Great Britain in his toast to King Charles Wednesday. America doesn't have royalty. But it looks like Greg Gutfeld continues cementing his place as the King of the Late Night Talk Show Hosts, if only by the process of elimination.
• Hollywood Democrats exploded when ABC suspended Jimmy Kimmel due to his inflammatory comments around the Charlie Kirk killing. ABC only suspended him, so he could return more tightly supervised. ABC told Jimmy Kimmel to be less offensive, so he's going back to doing blackface.
• Daily Variety reports ABC faced the exit of two station group owners demanding Jimmy Kimmel be fired. ABC turned me down for the job last night. They me saw me at the Comedy Store saying the Trump administration is doing all it can to cover up the fact that Jimmy Kimmel is a MAGA Republican.
• Sinclair Broadcasting refused to air Jimmy Kimmel on their ABC stations after his comments claiming Charlie Kirk's killer was a MAGA supporter. Maybe TV could return back to the 1950s style of censorship. I say we let Jimmy Kimmel back on the air, but we only show him from the waist up.
• Charlie Kirk's widow Erika Kirk was unanimously elected the new CEO of Turning Point Thursday. She'll be the face and force of the conservative movement in colleges and high schools. I'm sure she'll be safe from any leftist violence as long as she doesn't set foot on the court in a WNBA game.
• PBS reported math and reading scores have fallen to their lowest level in two decades among US high school students. And I would add that their lack of knowledge of US history is just appalling. Young people in California don't even know who Neil Armstrong was or what kind of trumpet he played.
• Kamala Harris revealed she wanted to pick Pete Buttiegieg as her VP but thought he was too gay. It's hilarious to me she chose Tim Walz as a more manly alternative. Tim Walz could play Peter Pan and he wouldn't need any wires attached to his back to go flying off the stage and over the audience.
• President Trump revealed he's negotiating with the Taliban to return Bagram Air Force Base, so that US bombers will be placed just an hour away from China's nuclear weapons factory. It's the right move but wrong target. I think we all want our bombers to be an hour away from the Wuhan Lab.
• President Trump's helicopter en route to London's airport made an emergency landing due to a minor hydraulic issue. He shrugged it off. Most men Trump's age have to get out of bed three to five times each night with a minor hydraulic issue and if the helicopter had to stop and pee he understands it.
• The Wall Street Journal cited a survey last week which revealed that Americans are having less and less sex every year, killing the birth rate. It seems like everyone I know in Hollywood is being celibate for their spiritual growth. The last time I saw breasts they were in a Kentucky Fried Chicken box.
• GOP Congressman Thomas Massie told the House Judiciary Committee there is a list of 20 notable men involved in the Epstein underage sex scandals, compiled from the sealed testimony by the victims. It's tragic. I just heard about Prince Andrew's fatal car crash in a Paris tunnel next month.
• Daily Variety says Me TV channel is getting big ratings airing classic TV shows. Last night I saw a hilarious 1959 special starring Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby and Dean Martin, and it was pure comedy. There was not one accusation of Eisenhower being responsible for the assassination of Gandhi.
• Barack Obama implied Trump is responsible for Charlie Kirk's death, saying it was Trump's rhetoric that created today's current rage. He just refuses to go away. I'm a Tory now because I was kicked out of the Democratic Party in July 2009 for using sunscreen because it maintained my whiteness.
• King Charles held a glittering state dinner for President Trump in Windsor Castle Wednesday where attendees dined on a table sixty yards long. They went all out to please the Americans at the banquet. To wet their whistles, the stewards served a 1945 port, a 1912 brandy and one can of Diet Coke.
• The New York Post reported Ben and Jerry's co-founder Jerry Greenfield left Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Tuesday due to a dispute over social issues. Our country is so divided that Jerry just left Ben and Jerry's, and if ice cream can't get along, can civil war be far behind? Remember the a la mode!
• Fed Chairman Jerome Powell announced a slight reduction in the prime rate on Wednesday citing inflation as a reason for the lower-than-hoped-for interest rate cut. The public is concerned about food prices remaining too high. This morning I made a salad out of $1 bills because it was cheaper.
• Fed Chairman Jerome Powell cited slow job growth Wednesday to express worry about what he called a deteriorating labor situation in the US. He noted that the economy added only 22,000 jobs in August. If you lost your job for celebrating Charlie Kirk's death, Venezuela needs boat captains.
• The UN Human Rights Committee declared its intention to try to eliminate the slave trade. It continues to flourish in North Africa, the Middle East and the Persian Gulf. Long ago, slavery was abolished by the ruling classes in most advanced Western nations and replaced by the 40-year mortgage.
• The Wall Street Journal reported that former President Biden is having trouble attracting any speaking engagements. The reception to Joe is much different now that he no longer has nuclear weapons. While he was president, Joe Biden was the funniest comedian in America in his price range.
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