Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• HBO's Succession star Nicholas Braun was pulled over in new Hampshire last weekend and arrested for DUI. I was once being tested for DUI in 1977 in Beverly Hills, and I made the cop laugh, and he let me go. The officer told me anything I say may be held against me, and I replied Shirley Jones.

• A Philadelphia Phillies fan was shown storming over and grabbing a home-run ball away from a kid whose dad had retrieved it when it landed. The video went viral. Today she went running through a park, leaped high in the air and caught a Frisbee with her teeth that was intended for the thrower's dog.

• The White House faced blowback from Democrats Monday for a missile strike on a speed boat loaded with cocaine in the Caribbean. Senator Chris Coons said the Senate wasn't briefed and Senator Mark Warner said we should have captured it. Hunter Biden said we're going to need to get a new boat.

• The House Oversight Committee released a book of well-wishes to Jeffrey Epstein on his 50th birthday, compiled by Ghislaine Maxwell. Bill Clinton wrote in it, literally praising Epstein for his childlike curiosity. I've learned in 49 years onstage that when the joke writes itself, just get out of its way.

• A federal appeals court upheld the award of $83 million to journalist E. Jean Carroll against President Trump. They tell very different stories regarding her 2022 accusations of past sexual misconduct. Who are you going to believe, a bleached-blonde with old saggy boobs or E. Jean Carroll?

• CNN says former President Biden has chosen Delaware as the site for his future presidential library. The University of Delaware already has announced plans to build the Biden Center for Policy on campus. It will be a 4-story structure, and in Joe's honor the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

• Google was fined $3 billion by the EU for anti-trust violations Friday, drawing a sharp protest from the White House on behalf of Google. Our cultural ties to Europe are waning. Last weekend, I met some college kids who are going to France and Germany to backpack and learn more about Islam.

• The Census Bureau reports 1 in 6 Americans is over age 65 now, highlighting the boom in new retirement communities. Being a little older and still a bachelor, I'm very fortunate to have someone who calls and checks on me every day. He's from India and he's very concerned about my car warranty.

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