10 really stupid things wives do that hurt their marriage

Get ready for a few important, but simple things that may be sabotaging your marriage. Before you get your defenses up and running, be honest as you evaluate where you stand on these 10 things. Be willing to make the changes that need to happen in order for your marriage to flourish. Ask yourself: "Am I doing any of these stupid things?"

1. You look like death warmed over

We're not talking about someone with a serious illness. We're talking about basically healthy women who don't take the time to look good for their husband and family. It doesn't take long to comb your hair and add a bit of lipstick and a touch of blush to brighten your face. And, while you're at it, dress in something neat, clean and somewhat attractive. Then finish it all off with a smile. Your honey will love it. And so will your kids.

2. You're glued to electronic devices

He needs your attention. Put away the tablet and smart phone when you're with the one you love. He deserves your undivided attention, at least some of the time. He matters more than anyone else on the other end of that device.

3. You don't listen to your husband

Are you so busy talking that you are too-polite-to-interrupt-husband can't get a word in edgewise? Take a break and let him have his say. His opinion matters. Listen to it without criticism. Don't assume you know what he's thinking. You'll be surprised at how smart this guy of yours is. You may also be surprised that he will be much more interested in what you have to say when you care about what's on his mind.

4. You're stingy with your hugs and kisses

He needs your hugs and kisses. Be generous in giving them. After a hard day's work these expressions of affection can calm and comfort him-- and you. It's like recharging your batteries. Without these acts of affection, just like a dead battery, your marriage can be pretty lifeless. Pump it up with these moments of physical contact. Say the words, "I love you." You'll both enjoy life more.

5. You sometimes bad mouth him to friends

If that's happening, stop it! This is your guy, the one who would give his life for you. When it comes to his faults and shortcomings--and he will have some--you will have his back. Not only will you not say bad things about him, but you will defend him if others try to do it.

6. You're mad because he doesn't plan date nights

If you're sitting around waiting for your man to come up with ideas for a date night out, give it up. Just because he doesn't think of something fun to do doesn't mean he won't enjoy a night out with you. Stop waiting around and make it happen. Plan something fun that you know you'll both enjoy. Let him know it's on the docket so he can have the fun of looking forward to it, too.

7. You've knocked him off your priority list

What happened to keeping him as your number one most-important-person? If it's the kids, then look at ways you can put him first--before anybody. It can be quite simple. Greet him lovingly when he comes home, respect him and teach your children to do the same. Couples who put each other first ensure that their marriage will last and be filled with love.

8. You don't acknowledge the good he does

You may be in that rut of taking him for granted. Pay attention to all the things he does for you and your family and thank him. Be specific. Gratitude is a genuine love enhancer.

9. You nag him

Someone once said, "Harping should be limited to musical instruments." Nobody enjoys a constant barrage of complaints or demands. It motivates no one to do anything. It only irritates. Hold your tongue and enjoy the peace it will bring. Instead, talk about things you both want to accomplish. It's not a one-way street. Each of you deserves the opportunity to express your needs and desires, in a kind and gentle way.

10. You forgot why you married him

To keep your marriage fresh, think back on how you felt when you were courting and then how you felt during the early days of your marriage. Remember what attracted you to him. These traits are still there. They just get hidden in the rush of life. Resurrect those romantic thoughts you have had for him. Fan the flame and bring back the freshness of the loving relationship you started with. Hang your wedding picture on the wall to remind you of those original romantic feelings. They are still there. They only need to be invited back and kept alive. You can do this!

Gary Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Joy is a writer and lyricist. Together they author books on relationships, including "Wake-up Call: What Every Husband Needs to Know".