Jewish World Review Sept. 23, 2004 / 8 Tishrei, 5765
Could Brit get tackier?
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | If circumstances have not changed since press time, this is Day 5 of Britney's marriage to ... um ... whatshisname. The guy who will spend his twilight years telling everyone, "I was once married to Britney Spears!" At which point, most of the men in the solarium will respond, "So was I!"
It's not that I don't trust this marriage to be, as Spears has promised, "forever." It's just that now that the nubile nut case has proven she can dye her hair, plight eternal troth and go clubbing all in one day (ah, to be young!), what's to stop her from trying to beat her own tacky wedding/quickie divorce/tacky wedding record? I mean, clearly she's hitting her stride. With a little practice she could go pro!
To do that, of course, she'll need to start training: More grooms, more weddings, faster and faster, tackier and tackier. But, as the world asked Roger Bannister when he vowed to run the four-minute mile, can this humanly be done?
I mean, Brit achieved impressive tackiness for a first timer when she married a childhood friend in a Vegas wedding chapel last year. Especially since that friend was named Jason Alexander, causing "Seinfeld" fans untold Googling inconveniences.
But that was amateur stuff compared to Brit's Sunday nuptials, a surprise wedding so dismal that the menu included soggy chicken fingers. When this drove disappointed guests to drink, they found they had to pay, because it was a cash bar. Brilliant touch!
That kind of tacky is truly hard to top, as Spears herself must know (mustn't she?). That is, unless the next time out she ...
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