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Jewish World Review Sept. 1, 2004 / 15 Elul, 5764

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Nader blasts G.O.P. for taking week off from his campaign

Republicans have lost sight of mission, he charges | Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader today blasted the Republican Party for holding its convention this week, charging that the G.O.P. was recklessly taking a week off from working on his campaign.

“At a time when the Republicans should be working overtime, collecting signatures to make sure that I am on the ballot, they are partying hearty in New York,” Mr. Nader said.

“The Republicans had promised me that getting my name on the ballot was Job One,” he added. “Clearly, they have lost sight of their true mission.”

But Bush strategist Karl Rove disputed Mr. Nader’s charges, telling reporters that while the Republicans are meeting in New York, detainees at Guantanamo Bay are busily manning a phone bank, urging voters in key swing states to put Mr. Nader’s name on the ballot.

“A lot of folks don’t think we’re capable of doing two things well at the same time, but we keep proving them wrong,” Mr. Rove said. “Look at Iraq and Afghanistan.”

At his press conference, Mr. Nader was flanked by his family, including the little-known Nader twins, Leaf and Muesli Nader.

Mr. Nader said that his twin daughters would be playing a crucial role in the upcoming campaign, shadowing the Kerry daughters around the country and spoiling their campaign appearances at every opportunity.

“It’s great to see them following the family tradition,” a proud Mr. Nader said.

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison and "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.


© 2004, Andy Borowitz