Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• America's Team: The Gambler and His Cowboys is an eight-part documentary on Netflix that covers the rise of the Dallas Cowboys under Jerry Jones. It also covers their fall. You can now add Taylor Swift to the list of people that have gotten a ring before the Cowboys have in the last thirty years.

• Taylor Swift shared photos on Instagram Monday announcing that she and the All-Pro tight end of the Kansas City Chiefs Travis Kelce are now engaged, posting that your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married. This much I do know. The divorce album is going to be EPIC.

• President Trump issued a post Tuesday advising Cracker Barrel to go back to its original logo with Uncle Herschel and the Cracker Barrel. It takes me back to my childhood. Cracker Barrel is a Southern restaurant, where you can order a side of dumplings to go with your chicken and dumplings.

• Cracker Barrel heeded President Trump's advice and hours later restored Uncle Herschel and the Cracker Barrel to their logo. Their menu and their rustic ambience provide visitors a peaceful throwback atmosphere. This is the last place where you can observe white people in their natural habitat.

• The New York Post reported that Tinder will start using AI to help singles navigate the dating world. It appears to be foolproof. Today, just for fun, I asked the AI app on my phone to set me up with a cute Generation Z who's willing to date a Baby Boomer and it booked me a flight to Thailand.

• Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson in an interview on Morning Joe Tuesday refused to agree that Chicago would be safer with more police. It would. Last night's performance of Hamilton in Chicago was cut short in the first act when Hamilton was shot and killed by someone in the audience.

• The Weather Channel reported a heat dome over the entire West Coast this past weekend that sent temperatures into triple digits from Seattle to San Diego. It was sweltering. It was so hot in Los Angeles on Monday that convenience stores reported no vandalism on ICEE trucks in their parking lots.

• The Los Angeles Times reported that registered sex offender Calese Crowder was arrested for the second time in two weeks. This one's weird. The serial sex offender, arrested in the Valley, is nicknamed the Burbank Butt Sniffer, whose perversion adds a whole new meaning to crack addiction.

• The Labor Department Building in DC unfurled a 30-foot portrait of Trump down the side of the building. Earlier in the year the Agriculture Department displayed a huge banner of Trump together with Abe Lincoln. That made a lot more sense, considering how actors felt about each of them.

• President Trump hosted a three-and-a-half hour cabinet meeting on Tuesday televised live from the Cabinet Room in the White House on cable news channels. He got it in just under the wire. The warning on the label says that if your cabinet meeting lasts longer than four hours to see your physician.

• Eli Lilly announced progress in the development of its new obesity pill on Tuesday, reporting that the pill's approval prospects have advanced to the FDA trial level. Last night I went to a website to research the cause of obesity. A window popped up saying Accept All Cookies, and it all made sense.

• Elon Musk launched his SpaceX Starship rocket on Monday, furthering his preparation for a future Mars voyage. Elon released a fleet of satellites, survived the fiery re-entry, and performed a flip maneuver before a controlled splashdown. And was just while impregnating his wife on the night before.

• President Trump called the Smithsonian out-of-control for over-depicting slavery and racism in the museum's US history exhibits. Civil rights leaders like Dr. Martin Luther King worked hard to bring us closer together. I have a dream that someday Cracker Barrel and Popeye's can share customers.

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