Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Holy Ghost is a movie released this weekend about a kidnapped girl who insists she was saved by the ghost of a slain cop. It so happens that this week's issue of LA Weekly details rumors that ghosts inhabit the World Famous Comedy Store. Hey, I've worked there for 200 years, and I've never seen any.

• Stars and Stripes reports a huge increase in U.S. military recruitment this year, reversing several years of steep decline. Luckily for me, and for the defense of the nation, the U.S. military draft ended while I was still in college. I don't want to say that I'm a coward, but I deserted from the Salvation Army.

• Bobby Kennedy urged states to restrict the use of Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Programs to stop allowing food stamps to be used to purchase sugary drinks. Twelve states agreed to prohibit buying sodas with food stamps. The other 38 states figured if people can't afford Coke, at least let them drink it.

• President Trump hosted the leaders of Britain, France, Germany, Italy and Finland as well as Zelensky Monday. The leaders mulled peace proposals. They rejected Trump's first idea to settle the war by having Putin take on Zelensky in a televised UFC match on the White House lawn on Labor Day.

• President Trump met with Zelensky on TV in the Oval Office Monday. Viewers were stunned by what we saw. Forget the Nobel Prize, the Council on Fashion Designers plans to honor Trump at their annual black tie event in Manhattan this fall for getting Zelensky to wear a suit in the White House.

• Ukraine President Zelensky was on his best behavior Monday during his White House meeting with Western leaders. He looked a bit sad when he entered the meeting room. There's a mark on the doorpost that's 5 ft 8 inches high beneath a sign which reads You Must Be This Tall to Join NATO

• U.S. Attorney Jeanine Pirro pressed felony charges against a DOJ lawyer who threw a Subway sandwich at an FBI agent during the DC street protests. The administration's really getting tough on this type of crime. Trump just named Chris Christie to be Director of Alcohol, Tobacco and Foot-Longs.

• The White House faced media catcalls that Trump failed to get a cease fire with Putin, making the Alaska summit a failure. Now the pressure is heavily on Trump to achieve a peace deal. If Trump fails, the media cackling will be so loud he may have to bring up the Epstein files as a distraction.

• Former AG Bill Barr told a House Oversight Committee he never saw any connection between Trump and Epstein's crimes. Well, in 1998 Trump co-starred with Harvey Weinstein and Woody Allen in the movie Celebrity, and O.J. attended Trump's 2nd wedding. So if the Democrats take back the House and regain control of the Oversight Committee grab your popcorn kids we're in for the show of our lives.

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