Contact The Editor
Articles By This Author
• The South China Post published details about China's new mosquito-borne virus emergency Thursday as Chinese health workers sprayed the countryside with insecticide and distributed netting. The virus makes you very sick and there is no vaccine for it yet. Dr. Fauci just regained the will to live.
• The NFL season gets underway Thursday September 7th with the Philadelphia Eagles against Dallas Cowboys. The more natural talent a player has, the more the NFL will protect his off-field antics. If Hannibal Lector ran a 4.2 forty-yard dash, the NFL would just say he has an eating disorder.
• President Trump tasked NASA to put a nuclear reactor on the moon, prompting CBS Good Morning to call the order colonialism and racist. That's silly. The Americans offered to partner with Britain and develop the moon together, but King Charles said we're not falling for that one again.
• Congressman Al Green vowed that he will bring down Trump. He has been impeached, indicted, convicted, sued and even shot but he's still standing. However, Democrats with terminal illnesses should be grateful for Trump because while he's still president, every day seems to last a year.
• President Trump ordered the Commerce Department to begin work on a new U.S. Census that excludes illegal aliens from the count. This would have a big impact on congressional representation. Eliminating illegal migrants from the census would leave the state of California with a population of 36.
• Illinois Congresswoman Delia Martinez told an audience in Mexico she's a proud Guatemalan before she's an American. Central America has always been a favorite destination for Americans who want to get away. As O.J. Simpson once shouted at his driver, I told you Costa Rica, not Costa Mesa!
• Texas Governor Greg Abbott ordered the arrest of Democratic lawmakers who fled the state in a private jet to Chicago to deny the legislature a quorum, so there couldn't be a vote for the GOP to redistrict. It's resulting in terrible publicity for tourism. Texas is now called the Lone Star State because that's their Yelp review.
• New York City socialist candidate for mayor Zohran Mamdani took a big lead in the polls for the New York mayoral election in November. In an effort to move his views more to the center Thursday, Mamdani declared that he acknowledges Israel's right to exist. This is bound to come back to haunt him.
• The New York Times published an article Thursday claiming that President Trump called up former Democratic Governor Andrew Cuomo and offered to help him defeat Zohran Mamdani in November's New York mayor's election. Trump declared that Mamdani is a communist, which if true, makes it especially tough for us comedians. Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everybody gets them.
• Senator Elizabeth Warren appeared with New York Mayor candidate Zohran Mandami Monday and endorsed him. It was the union of a real Indian with a pretend Indian. During the 2020 Democratic presidential primaries, Senator Warren chose to have her Cherokee name on the ballot, Running Last.
• President Trump astonished White House reporters and terrified his security Tuesday when he suddenly appeared on the White House roof and took questions from reporters. He was high above the ground supervising plans for the ballroom. A U.S. District judge immediately ordered Trump to jump.
• Austria renamed the street named for pioneer automaker Ferdinand Porsche due to his Nazi past. They'd previously papered over his collaboration. Until now, Austria's greatest contribution to revisionist history was convincing the world that Beethoven was Austrian and that Hitler was German.
• WalMart officials announced last week the store will have to raise retail prices on some items due in part to Trump's tariffs on goods that are imported from China. I hate it whenever WalMart doesn't have what I want, and I have to go home and take off my pajamas and shower, and go to Target.
• Actress Sydney Sweeney's jeans commercial turned the conversations online to the value we place on physical beauty. People in L.A. are obsessed with their looks. Here in West Hollywood I know a homeless guy I see on my jogging route, and he has only one tooth, and he just had it whitened.
• Barack Obama celebrated his 64th birthday with his family and friends in Martha's Vineyard. The fact that the former president still has to deliver his speeches from behind bullet-proof glass shows how racist America still is. Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone. New York Socialist mayor candidate Zohran Mamdani backtracked on his demand to defund police after a cop was killed, prompting a public outcry for law and order. Retail theft and robberies are way up. New York City is the only place where your wallet gets off the bus three stops before you do.
• California judges issued rulings last week trying to restrict ICE's ability to detain and to deport illegal immigrants who live in California. ICE agents now use cable sports to help them track down illegal migrants house-to-house in Los Angeles. They wait till Guatemala scores then head for the noise.
• The Vatican hosted its Jubilee of Youth this week where one million young people from all over the world came to Rome and cheered Pope Leo when he told all one million of them they are a sign that a different world is possible. Pope Leo is very popular with Generation Z. Well, he does work from home.
• President Trump ordered NASA to solicit industry proposals to help put a 100-kilowatt nuclear reactor on the moon by 2030. The nuclear moon mission is one of two defense options. The Pentagon is proposing we either put a nuclear reactor on the moon or blow up Moscow, whichever one costs more.
• President Trump weighed in on the Sydney Sweeney jeans commercial that Democrats call Nazi propaganda. His reaction was swift. Trump said he has great jeans, the best jeans you've ever seen, even better than Sydney's, his jeans have better poll numbers than any other jeans, you can ask anybody.
(COMMENT, BELOW)