Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Price Is Right legendary host Bob Barker was laid to rest at Forest Lawn Cemetery Monday while being celebrated for his TV career. He set a record for fifty-one years of hosting daytime game shows on national television. His family is asking that instead of flowers, please send consolation prizes.

• The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce marked the one hundredth anniversary of the Hollywood sign. How did I decide to move to Hollywood? The day I graduated from OU, I stood in the living room of the ATO fraternity house and I threw a dart at a map of the U.S. on the wall and it landed in the trash.

• President Biden returned from what critics call National Lampoon's White House Vacation but they'll never get Chevy Chase to star in this one. Chevy already ruined his back doing pratfalls on Saturday Night Live imitating President Jerry Ford. Doing Joe Biden could put him in a wheelchair. President Biden visited a first-grade school class in Washington just back from summer vacation Monday. Thank G od there were no embarrassing photos of Biden sniffing little girls. Their parents heard Joe was coming and dabbed a little pepper spray on their necks before sending them off to school.

• President Biden claimed Monday he convinced South Carolina Senator Strom Thurmond to vote for the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Joe would have been 29 at the time, nine years from the Senate, and Thurmond certainly did not vote for it. The White House cleaned it up, saying Trump is a danger to our democracy.

• Donald Trump's campaign reports it sold seven million dollars in T-shirts that showed Trump's mug shot above the inscription Never Surrender! The mug shot thrilled his supporters and riled his enemies. Shia LeBeouf says he'll commit his next drunken crime spree in Georgia just for the mug shot.

• Donald Trump received a March 4th court date for his DC trial related to January 6th. There's a way to deal with Progressive judges. Upon arrival in town for every arraignment, Trump should stop his limo and loot a Nordstrom's on the way to the courthouse to keep from being arrested and charged.

• Michigan's Secretary of State cited a 14th Amendment clause written to ban Confederate officers from running for office in order to keep Trump off the ballot. It'll backfire. If they applied this ban to descendants of Confederate officers the Democrats would have no candidates to run except illegal aliens.

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