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Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published August 22, 2023

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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The Washington Post reports that a French Canadian woman was sentenced in Washington D.C. to twenty years in prison for trying to assassinate Trump. She mailed Trump an envelope filled with deadly ricin powder. She’s charged with making the Justice Department look like they’re not even trying.

The Weather Channel reports the increased water temperature in the Eastern Pacific a fifth year in a row is generating the El Nino weather condition for the country this fall and winter. It made its opening bow on Sunday. Only in California do we have a Hurricane that identifies as a Tropical Storm.

Southern California was placed under federal disaster declaration last weekend when Hurricane Hillary approached Los Angeles early Sunday. And that was just the opening act. Just as it arrived, a five-point earthquake struck Southern California just to let the hurricane know who’s boss around here.

Hurricane Hillary was estimated by weather forecasters to arrive in Southern California and the Desert Southwest Sunday bringing high winds, flooding and mudslides. The U.S. government issued a bulletin ahead of its arrival. Any deaths resulting from Hurricane Hillary will be classified as suicides.

The National Weather Service reported Hurricane Hillary came roaring up from Mexico Friday carrying high winds, pouring rain and heading for Southern California. Nobody was expecting much property damage to local stores. Thanks to the flash mobs the retail businesses were already boarded up.

San Diego emergency officials urged people to stay off the city’s many beaches Sunday as fears mounted of high surf and riptides. Florida resident Donald Trump issued a three-word statement of advice to Southern California residents about how to survive Hurricane Hillary’s wrath. Lock her up!

CBS News covered a Camp David Summit Friday between President Biden and leaders of South Korea and Japan. However its news bulletin prompted a firestorm on Twitter by referring to Joe as former President Biden. CBS quickly responded and corrected the tweet to read the late President Biden.

President Biden flew to Hawaii Monday to meet with Federal Emergency Management Agency officials supervising the fire disaster relief to Maui. Nevertheless we are all creatures of habit. Joe is refusing to send hurricane relief money to California until the prosecutor investigating his son is fired.

President Biden hosted a three-way summit with the leaders of South Korea and Japan at Camp David on Friday. Like father like son, I say. The same day Hunter Biden hosted a three-way at an Asian massage parlor but when Hunter requested a sixty-nine a waitress brought him the Sweet and Sour Pork.

CNN anchor Jake Tapper raised eyebrows at his network Friday by declaring that Trump was right and Biden was wrong in the 2020 debate about Hunter receiving money from China. Tapper’s guest said Trump sees himself as a Roman emperor. It’s a shame Orange Julius is already trademarked.

President Biden gave a speech to workers at a wind turbine plant in Milwaukee Thursday where Biden declared Bidenomics a rousing success. In the last two and a half years Joe’s policies have made me much stronger. I can now lift seventy dollars worth of groceries in a plastic sack with my little finger.

The Pentagon started auctioning border wall building materials in Texas Friday after the Senate passed a Defense Spending Act that including finishing the wall. It’s greatly needed. Now that Mexico has affordable housing, cheap gas and legalized cocaine, we need the wall to keep all the Californians in.

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