Friday

December 19th, 2014

Insight

The Hot Crazy Matrix --- and finding yourself a unicorn

Ron Hart

By Ron Hart

Published August 21, 2014

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.”

– Oscar Wilde

If you haven’t seen the YouTube video “The Hot Crazy Matrix,” please Google it and watch. It’s an important tutorial on dating, worthy of a Nobel Prize in science.

It is hard to argue with this video. First, like the man-made global warming narrative, it involves graphs and science and, therefore, cannot be denied. Secondly, the host of the video, a Franklin, Tenn., alderman, wears a sidearm and, thus, represents authority. The seven-minute retrospective is deep and goes a long way toward dispelling the politically correct clutter about male/female relationships.

We can’t have substantive discussions on matters of importance in America because we are a nation full of people just waiting to be offended. And if people aren’t offended, the liberal media are eager to tell people why they should be offended. Most of them are now in Ferguson, Mo., fanning racial fires.

It seems everyone can produce a scientific study. One study, for example, says drinking wine and eating chocolate are good, but the next week another study says they’re bad. I would think both men and women benefit when ladies drink. Alcohol lowers bad cholesterol, which is good for women, and it lowers their standards, which is good for us men. The same study determined that women who carry a little more weight live longer – certainly longer than men who point it out.

Another study concluded that most cave drawings were done by women, proving that, since ancient times, men have had no say in home decorating.

As a gender, we men are not much. Women’s expectations of us are way too high, leading to their bitter disappointment upon marriage. To help manage the expectations of my two daughters, I have demonstrated over the years that they should not to expect much from a man. Thus, they are happy now. Girls, you’re welcome.

The blame for women’s unrealistic expectations of men lands squarely on Hollywood’s romantic comedies. For years, girls have watched movies where a frumpy woman meets somebody like Hugh Grant. He is cute, listens to her, never married, likes to cuddle and works in media or rescues kittens at a nonprofit in New York. Yet, inexplicably, he lives in a $4 million, impeccably decorated brownstone. Yes, ladies, these sorts of men exist, and they are gay.

Meanwhile, in real life, Hugh Grant was arrested for picking up a prostitute while he was dating model Elizabeth Hurley.

The guys in your office watch only ESPN and “Jackass” movies, sleep on a futon, have a FICO score of 2, and you do not want to look at their browser history.

Women mystify men. They ask questions like, “Do you love me for my brain or my looks?” Don’t answer, men, it’s a trick! And, to men, women can seem to defy logic. We know you love garage sales. And you like lingerie. But, as I found out the hard way, you don’t like lingerie from a garage sale.

Again, I blame the media for women giving men mixed messages. You say you want to have substantive conversations. Yet we look at what you read, like articles in Cosmo on the Affordable Care Act, titled, “Five Things About Obamacare That Will Turn Your Man Crazy in the Bedroom,” or “Hillary Gives a Speech on Syria, Wearing Sassy New Jimmy Choo Shoes.”

How are we to interpret all this? “Women are from Venus, men from Mars.” Aside from one gender being able check out of a hotel room without first making the bed, there are vast differences between the sexes that government always wants to erase. Obama plays on silly income-inequality rhetoric. In his world, we all would have the same incomes, since unemployment checks and entitlement checks are equal. That’s his dream.

A guy friend of mine took the bait from his girlfriend and went to see a shrink about their relationship. (Guys, never do this; it will not turn out well.) After he spent a year and $5,000 on a psychologist for his “personal journey,” I asked him what he had learned. He said he found out that, deep down, he is really shallow.

In short, you cannot go wrong by lowering your expectations of men, and by watching fewer romantic comedies. As Oscar Wilde noted after visiting tacky Niagara Falls hotels for the first time, their honeymoons would be the first of many disappointments for young brides.

Just recognize that we are different, and enjoy the ride!

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JWR contributor Ron Hart attended University of Memphis and the Institute for Political and Economic Systems at Georgetown University. He graduated Magna Cum Laude. Upon receiving his MBA, he went to work for Goldman Sachs. He was appointed to the Tennessee Board of Regents by then Governor Lamar Alexander and is now a private investor. He appears on CNN and has been quoted in numerous publications, including the Wall Street Journal.

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